I would hope that no one misjudges what I am going to reveal here. I have been married for 19 years and have been faithful to my husband even though he is abusive and neglectful. The past 2 years have been the worst and things have happened to hint at him being unfaithful but in reality there is no concrete proof as in a person or evidence related to a person that would prove this. Also my husband works a lot and is blue collar and cannot lie about being at work since he doesn't have an office or out of town job. So since he works so much he really doesn't have time for an affair and when not at work spends time at home albeit mostly working outside or in the garage. I even requested cell phone records and there is nothing amiss there. I even put a spy program on his computer and no funny email accounts or dirty websites showed up. I hacked into his old phone and it is permanently broke so he can't surf the web on it in secret. Even though he states and there were no friends on it he made a facebook account that I didn't know about. He said it was to contact relatives which he said he could not find and that may be true but why put he is interested in women for friendship and put a perverted comment on the page. He says he was angry at facebook because of it being a waste of time in trying to find his relative and said he put all that stuff to be a jerk but I still have my doubts. It is true that there were no contacts and that the account was not accessed for about 6 months from the time I found out about it but I told him he totally disrespected me and our marriage by doing this. What if some other relative of his found that page?

I don't want to make this too long but I am trying to give enough history. My husband has also been emotionally abusive throughout the marriage and tried to be physical but he got it right back. Sometimes he is very loving and at other times he is a complete jerk. So this confuses me and I really don't trust him at all. There is also another thing that happened that I really don't want to state but God knows what it is. I have been so depressed for a long time and feel it is because of my marriage and have even sunk to the depths that suicide was a viable option even though I know that is not the answer. That has abated somewhat but I am still extremely unhappy and I have told my husband so and that he has hurt me too much and the latest incidences have been the straw that broke the camel's back. I told him I have lost a lot of love for him and that I don't trust him and he knows how I feel but I feel he doesn't take it seriously. I have wanted to leave many times but am not since I don't think that is the right thing to do at this time.

I'm really sick of being hurt and unhappy and I don't love my husband anymore even though I have tried to rekindle that feeling. When I look at him he seems like a stranger to me and like I already said I don't trust him at all and don't believe that he really loves me. When he is nice I think he is just faking it and the real him is the abusive jerk. I don't like being deceived and played for a fool and have wasted a lot of years on him and I want a final resolution to this problem. I want to have someone that would need me and love me and be honest and faithful and have integrity and I would give all my love to this person. I know that sounds bad but that is how I really feel. My love has been taken for granted and abused and I've had enough.

To make things more complicated I am drawn to an online friend I have but I've never met him in person and I've not told him my feelings for him. This person seems to have qualities that my husband lacks. But because this friend has integrity he keeps his distance and I hardly talk to him anymore but I cannot seem to get him out of my mind and I even have dreams about him. Perhaps he is my real soulmate or the Devil is playing tricks on me. I don't know. All I know is that I cannot go on like this and if I have to continue to be stuck then I will probably either go literally nuts or take my own life. I'm having trouble functioning in a lot of ways and it isn't getting any better. I would also like to know if this friend is meant to be with me and if so I would like confirmation of this and if not then I would need God to take these thoughts and dreams out of my head.

I would hope that everyone understands that I have given all I can in the marriage and cannot afford to get hurt anymore and it is affecting my health both physically and mentally.

loveworthfightingfor.com or fireproof the movie

(12-09-2011 02:43 AM)paula0331 Wrote:  loveworthfightingfor.com or fireproof the movie

There is no love left. It has been abused out of me. If you want me to do more pleasing just so I can get hurt more then no thank you.

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(12-09-2011 02:43 AM)paula0331 Wrote:  loveworthfightingfor.com or fireproof the movie

I think perhaps I should explain myself to you a little better. I am not one to be abused and want to stick around. The bottom line for me is if God wants me to stay with my husband then fine but if not and if I am meant to be with someone else or no one else then that is fine too.

I don't believe that love is abuse. And relationships are two way streets. I believe and have experienced that abuse kills love over time. If I were to want to be abused and continue to love someone who abuses me then I think that I would have a serious problem.

Dear guest, I will pray for you that God leads you into His truths. I pray that you would reconsider how important a marriage is to God, especially if there are children to consider. God loves you and He doesn't want you being abused, but on the other hand He wouldn't be happy if you were abusing your husband either. Did you ever stop to think that you having this "online" friend is part of the problem? How can you say that he is everything your husband is not, such as: he has integrity if you have never even met this man face to face. For all you know, this man could be a woman, or a rapist, or a.... You don't know!!

I've been there done that before too. I have also been married for over 30 years. I've been in an abusive relationship, so I know. I also know God is faithful. If you are truly seeking for truth, then search the scriptures. God will give you the direction in which you need to follow in your life. You just need to listen to Him and trust Him with it.

God bless you guest and I pray your journey will become everything God would have it be. If you walk in Christ and put and keep Him in the center of your marriage, you and hubby both, then you will both be complete in Him. This would take the two of your working for the same common goal. Remember, God must be in the center. If you are not a Christian, then I pray that you would become one and if you are and your husband is not, then I pray that you would continue to pray for his salvation.

The husband is he head of the house as Christ is the head of the Church, and the husband should love his wife as Christ loves the church.

In Jesus Name, Amen...

amen. i was in the same situation i only wanted u to go to that site if u wanted to keep marriage. sorry was not trying to hurt u. i was beaten up called names, husband did porn, cheated on me. etc. did not work. my kids are in state care twins age 17 i always wanted to be a mother. my ex tried to get kids, alimoney and more and try to make me clinically insane. so i know what u r going through. sorry just thought if u wanted to keep your marriage u can go to those kirk cameron is awesome. i wanted someont to love me protect me and my kids and be there for me working etc. did not mean to offend u i love u amen

Paula your kids will come back!

(12-09-2011 07:03 AM)Guest Wrote:  Dear guest, I will pray for you that God leads you into His truths. I pray that you would reconsider how important a marriage is to God, especially if there are children to consider. God loves you and He doesn't want you being abused, but on the other hand He wouldn't be happy if you were abusing your husband either. Did you ever stop to think that you having this "online" friend is part of the problem? How can you say that he is everything your husband is not, such as: he has integrity if you have never even met this man face to face. For all you know, this man could be a woman, or a rapist, or a.... You don't know!!

I've been there done that before too. I have also been married for over 30 years. I've been in an abusive relationship, so I know. I also know God is faithful. If you are truly seeking for truth, then search the scriptures. God will give you the direction in which you need to follow in your life. You just need to listen to Him and trust Him with it.

God bless you guest and I pray your journey will become everything God would have it be. If you walk in Christ and put and keep Him in the center of your marriage, you and hubby both, then you will both be complete in Him. This would take the two of your working for the same common goal. Remember, God must be in the center. If you are not a Christian, then I pray that you would become one and if you are and your husband is not, then I pray that you would continue to pray for his salvation.

The husband is he head of the house as Christ is the head of the Church, and the husband should love his wife as Christ loves the church.

In Jesus Name, Amen...

Guest, I am a Christian. I've been married for 19 years and known my husband for 21. I have never been unfaithful and have always been the traditional wife. I have already raised two kids and am now raising my grandson who is almost 4. I stay at home and take care of the house single handed and also have a small business that I run out of my home. I am about as traditional as it gets. I am not making enough money to leave right now but am working on it. I don't believe if a relationship brings you down to the point of suicide that it is worth it. To be honest if I had to do it again I never would have married him. I now realize that you cannot love someone enough for them to change. It is a waste of time. I'm not asking for perfect since I am not but I don't deserve to be made to feel like I am an inconvenience.

As an example my husband flipped a biscuit because I asked him for 2 minutes of his time, literally. He wanted to go on the computer and then go to bed. Then he is in the laundry room. So I ask him I thought you had no time yet you are here in the laundry room? I called him a hypocrite and I'm not sorry either. He always does this to me making me feel unwanted and not important. I want to be loved for a change and I will not spend the rest of my life like this. I know the value of marriage and if my husband knew the value of marriage then perhaps he wouldn't treat me like he does.

As for the friend. I know he is a man. I am not a cheater and was not on some dating or chat website. I came across his theological videos and I still say he has great integrity. He is not perfect and I really don't know him but he seems like a very Godly man to me. And I hardly talk to him anymore since we both agreed to keep a safe distance since I am married. About a year ago he was there for me when I was at the brink of suicide because of my husband. My marriage problems existed way before I ever came across this man. So the friend is not part of the problem. My marriage is the problem.

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(12-09-2011 04:12 PM)paula0331 Wrote:  amen. i was in the same situation i only wanted u to go to that site if u wanted to keep marriage. sorry was not trying to hurt u. i was beaten up called names, husband did porn, cheated on me. etc. did not work. my kids are in state care twins age 17 i always wanted to be a mother. my ex tried to get kids, alimoney and more and try to make me clinically insane. so i know what u r going through. sorry just thought if u wanted to keep your marriage u can go to those kirk cameron is awesome. i wanted someont to love me protect me and my kids and be there for me working etc. did not mean to offend u i love u amen

I know you were not trying to hurt me. I just don't agree with pat answers. Everyone's relationship is different and my husband knows what he needs to do. I spend most of my time alone and I think it is ridiculous when he gets angry just because I ask him for 2 minutes of his time, literally. If I am that unimportant to him then he can take a flying leap as far as I am concerned. You can't make someone love you or treat you kindly. Either they love you or they don't and I have learned from experience to look at people's behavior rather than just words.

My husband doesn't swear much but he does insult me at times and he did call me the B word a couple months ago. I let him have it so I don't think he will be doing that again. I've checked him out and he doesn't do any dirty website shopping and if he did or I ever proved that he cheated on me then he would be out the door. The locks would be changed and I would never take him back again. Same if he literally beat me up. My husband has done the occasional shoving but I fight back and he hardly ever does that. But, if he literally beat me up I would call the police and I would press charges and he would most definitely spend time in jail.

I would suggest to you that you not put up with any nonsense either and I would hope that God would send you a Godly man to love you the way it is supposed to be.

hank u guest about my kids wish i could email u i could use a good friend today. all my friends and tim hate me and kids do to

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how do u know my kids will come back? in ct they give u free life skills and pay u for going and also free apartment and college and take care of u until u are 23. i miss them so much. i never did drugs porn, alocohol or anything worse thing i did was sware, and yell and that made them nervouse as i was mentally unstable as my husband looked at other womand and cheated on me dating other woman while i watched the children. saw receipts for resturants him and i use to go to. my heart is still breaking over that and it happened one week b4 my bday adn the day after i buired my uncle. then one month later saw he was still searching for other woman.????? and yes i still love him mark 10 and 1 corinthians 2:17 says to be with one with husband. and god so. thanks for listening let me know how u know my kids will come back it was not my fault they are in state care tim beat me u p

Lord Jesus, God bless Paula with you love and compassion. Lord Jesus, heal her pain. I pray that you would heal her emotional wounds and that her children would come back to her. Thank you Jesus.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

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Dear guest,

I know one thing. God loves you and does not want you to suffer at the hands of abuse by anybody. I do not believe that would be his will for anybody. I pray that above all things, you keep God first in your life. It is important to have Godly fellowship as well as Godly friends. Hang in there and He will lead you where you need to be. Just wait on the Lord. You will find your way soon.

Dear Lord Jesus,
You have lovingly provided us with a comforter and you knew that we would be in dire need of the comforter's services.
Lord, I ask that you use your Holy Spirit to intervene in this situation. So many of your people are being abused even now as I write this prayer. I Thank You Lord for giving her the courage to share her request with us. Lord, let her use this same courage to wage war against the enemy who is trying to keep her bound. She wants out Lord. Allow her the time apart from this abuse so that you can deal with her without all the interruptions of abusive behavour. Lord, she has met someone new and would like to know if he is The One. First -- Jesus heal her so she is not on the rebound and hurting more than healing. Second -- Jesus, allow her to forgive, her heart has grown cold and don't let that be carried on into a new relationship releasing all kinds of triggers and setting her off because it reminds her of him. She has to be whole then she can make better choices by seeing the warning signs of abusive tendencies in people. If the online person is the one -- work it out in her favor Lord with all former strings completely cut.

In The Name of Jesus,
Amen.