want to comit suside

I'm gay. no longer want to go this way. I just want man's love, hugs but by reading the Bible I understand it's sin. I've tried to come to Jesus and pray, its my sin you came to save us from our sins. can you forgive my sin and change me? with an obscure picture of salvation. maybe I'm not christian yet. cos i don't have a desire to go tell the story of Jesus, who Jesus is because i myself have seen it really faintly. being in this gray zone is such a pain. I'm like a sheep in a wolf cloth. cant stop myself being interested in men. men and women that God created. there is no middle. by loving men, I'm being a little Satan. i hinder men and women get together. dirty. don't wanna grow myself in japan.. i reject at heart things happen to me here. feel packed all the time here. negative thought easily sneak up behind me and bite i sense it. don't want anything happen to me here in japan. don't want to do anything don't want to mold myself here. I'm not saying that this affects all. but for me, here is not the healthy place. Maybe I'm being against God.
Coming back to japan after spending my time in England for Christmas yes i want to know Jesus more. need salvation. but I'm so tired to seek especially alone. and in japan. cant see my future. I've been this state for 3or 4 years since i got baptised. but before coming to know Christ, my life had already dismay. have been thirsty since my birth. My depression overwhelms me. No strength to do anything. Want to go die with no pain. I'm a 25 years old Japanese guy. I'm on the turning point.. 25 years old. which way I would choose.. I'm leaning to a bad choice. I know how fullish I am but this overwhelming depression seems not go away. It suppresses me do anything good.
Coming back to japan after spending my time in England for Christmas and the new year with my christian male friend there, these feelings Ive described above are more than double. I mustn't ask him love. he studies at a college with an envision that is to come to japan to serve the Lord.

yes I want to know Jesus more. need salvation. but I'm so tired to seek especially alone. and in japan.

cant see my future. I've been this state for 3or 4 years since i got baptised. but before coming to know Christ, my life had already dismay. have been thirsty since my birth.

My depression overwhelms me. No strength to do anything.
Want to go die with no pain.

I'm a 25 years old Japanese guy.
I'm on the turning point.. 25 years old. which way I would choose.. I'm leaning to a bad choice. I know how fullish I am but this overwhelming depression seems not go away. It suppresses me do anything good. All the time I feel the deep loveliness which is about to bring me to a tip of the cliff to jump off.

Father, touch this man and give him hope...let him see that his desire to end things is not of you. Father heal his heart and lift him from depression so that he may hear your voice. Let him feel your presence and know your love Father lead him to a good bible believing church that has a sound bible study program that he may come to know who you really are through the study of your word. Show him in a way he cannot not deny nor misunderstand that you do not condemn him for having gay feelings...you do not hate the homosexual or the adulterer...rather you hate the act of homosexuality and adultery! Just as your word tells us that as heterosexual men and women we are to abstain from sex if not married...and marriage is between a man and a woman...so your say to the homosexual...abstain. Help this man to grow in knowledge and reverence for you Father that he may be sustained through this time of crises in his life and his faith. In Jesus name...Amen!

Young man, all sexual desire is hormone related. You can choose to remain celabate. Please consider reading The unhappy gays: what everyone should know about homosexuality by Tim Lehay. I believe that you can live a good life without crossing sexual boundaries that God has set. It is a mountain that you must climb, a river you must cross. We all face challenges in our lives but God did not give us a challenge that we could not pass, He equips us with the tools we need to overcome. It appears that God is calling you. Will you hear and will you answer. A minute of pleasure is not worth an hour in hell. This life is temporay and there is no sin worth risking our salvation for. Eternal life is real. As for me I would rather nothing under grace than everything under sin. I would rather not be born if I could not be born again. Sucide will not stop the pain, it will only worsen it. The bible says that to be absent from the body is to be present with Jesus Christ. Then comes the judgement. No one wants to threaten you or intimidate you. Jesus loves the sinner and hates the sin. He made you more than a conquerer by Christ Jesus. There are many organizations who will tell you you can be a christian and gay. The bible says otherwise. Son I know this is a huge struggle for you but by the grace of God I pray that you will seek to find your true identy. When we find our identiy in Christ we are truly free. When the son sets you free, you are free indeed. Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all things will be added unto you. Choose this day who you will serve. Will you serve the flesh or God? He who sins is a slave to sin. Choose freedom. Choose with your mind and your heart will follow. When Jesus died for sins he died for all of them not just certain ones. remember his words to those he healed, he said go and sin no more. Lord speak and let your child hear your voice and listen to what you have to say in your word. Don"t give up. This battle belongs to the Lord, let him take it up for you.

Please listen, friend. God knows the beginning from the end. Every moment of your life, every movement of your heart, every thought that would pass through your mind, He knew all of these things before you were even born and yet He still calls out to you. He still loves you and wants you to come to Him, not for judgement or punishment but for rest and peace. He's not suprised by anything you do, anything you think or anything you feel. He's not shocked or disappointed or dismayed.

God has given you a lifetime on this earth to sort these things out and He wants to walk through these struggles with you. Give Him the chance.

lord please draw near to Him and show him your love, take away His fear and his pain In jesus name I ask u to guide him and protect Him. Father please heal him spiritually mentally and physically In Jesus Name Amen