Hey Ron
I think you need to STAND FIRM on your marriage until GOD says enough. Actually what happened with me is that although I knew of the affair, I simply refused to give up (my husband did not confess), it has been through a LOT of prayer that I have finally agreed to divorce as the FINAL OPTION. You are however 100% correct, that this is the most destructive attack on Christian families but we have to remember that God can make good of any bad situation if we surrender to him. I am actively working on this daily now. I think Adultery actually encompassed many of the other 10 comandments all in one sin. Recovering is SO HARD and I cling to God for his guidance and for his healing power in my life and that of my precious children.
Yes, the churches ARE too lukewarm about adultery etc, I think largely because they keep on with "love the sinner, hate the sin", "who are we to judge" - but we are called to correct other CHRISTIANS and to hold them all to the same standard otherwise the church and her teachings crumble.
I am 100% sure of my facts with this husband - I am praying to God now for HIS WILL. I do believe he wants all lies to come out of the dark and into the light. I will pray.