I hate being happy.
I don't know how to be happy.
I screw everything up.
I get pleasure out of this depression.
I hate that I can't love myself.
I don't love myself.
I want to cut.
I want to slit my wrists wide open and see the red fall around me.
I want to die.
Everywhere I go I see something that could take my life and I want to do it so badly.
God, why have You put me into this holding pattern? Why have You made me wait? I'm not strong enough to wait.
I don't want to let everyone down, though.
I don't want to let You down, God.
Help me, God. Because I can't do this.