Mel, I want to share something with you that a very wise person mature in Christ told me many, many years ago. I did not really believe her when she said it until I saw it for myself...but I did see it...and nothing in this life has effected me more. This is what she told me...the date of your birth and the date of your death were written in the book of life before the foundation of the world. None of us is born...and none of us die without the permission of God. You may attempt suicide but if it is not your time...you will not die...however you can maim yourself to the point of losing your ability to walk or talk or a variety of things. Being very young at the time and very hurt and willful, I did not believe...and then a young woman I knew who had been made pregnant by a young man and then dumped by him after he forced an abortion onto her... tried to end her life. She failed, but she had chosen to jump off of a driving bridge into rocky and churning waters in the town where we lived. She broke her neck and spent the next 26 years in a wheel chair...with constant lung, bladder and skin infections the combination of which eventually took her life years later. Mel...I will tell you what I learned from that...God is in control...not us. God did not allow her to die out of mercy...he gave her time to repent and time to ask for his forgiveness...but there were consequences for her actions that reached much farther than her own losses. Her father died broken by the fact that his only daughter...suffered so. Her only brother spent time in jail for attempted murder of the young man who betrayed her. Her mother slowly lost her way and ended up dying from acute alcoholism. Only her father lived a normal life span and functioned and took care of her...but he never fully recovered from the loss of the life he had so hoped she would have. The young man that she pined for so also married a woman 2 years later and had 4 children...his response to the whole thing??? "She was a very disturbed girl and I knew I did not want to be married and have children with her". She just had too many problems for me to deal with. His marriage to the woman he chose is still on-going... This young woman gave up her future for nothing...NOTHING! Many years later I heard her speak at a church in our community...she had many regrets but most centered around the fact that she did not trust God and that she had tried to end her life and how it had impacted those who really loved her. Mel...the thing is...if you decide to do this...no-one can really stop you...but I suggest that you consider all that has been said here today. You say that life is worthless...and I understand your feelings...BUT despite how you feel...there is great worth...a mother who has loved you all your life...a father who provided for you until illness prevented him from being able to...youth and strength and decent health being among them. It is time for you to learn to stand...someday you will have to stand on your own...we all do. You need to focus on making your own life better...one day at a time...learn to drive...learn to cook...learn to see the good in small things. To find your way out of your personal hell...you must do your part...and when you do...God will do His. The first step may be to apologize to your God for threatening to kill yourself. He gave you life... it grieves him greatly...and then help your mother...give her support in this difficult time...she needs you now. Step outside of your own pain and help someone...it truly will make a difference in how you function and feel over time. Or choose not too...and continue to remain so self focused that the pain grows and grows...it really is a choice that is in your own hands. How do I know...because many years ago I WAS YOU! I chose to be different...I chose to trust God and do the therapeutic work...I chose life! It is my greatest hope that you will too.