I might add, my comment as to how you love your boyfriend is how we are to love The Lord God. But if you love your boyfriend as you say you do, completely as you describe, it would strengthen your love for God, not make it weaker. Love is not dependent on another's actions toward us.
This is what leads me to believe that somehow you are fearing horribly death, mortality, your own, your parents, those you love.
To the point you are even contemplating taking your own life.
This is not HOME, Mel.
One last point to make. I think you are going to have to grieve the loss of your boyfriend which has nothing to do with your desire to be with him someday (even in Heaven), this is about here & now, to let go enough in your daily life that you can function. What good are you to him or anyone if you will not take charge of your own life as you are able? PLEASE take in the post replies Mel, you act as if noone understands you, so much so you are blinding yourself.
Tishlea gave you a list of things you can do to take action.
She & Adoring1 have spoken from their hearts, we come to you as Christians here that we care. At some point Mel you have to take charge & grasp ahold of God. That is what He Is Waiting for.

God Bless you.