Mel,
One of my husband's best friends,Wendell, took his own life. He wanted this girl so much. Even had children with her. You want to know what he accomplished by killing himself? His heart broken elderly parents had to bury their son. Have suffered great sickness at mourning over this loss. His dad passed away. The girl... she married the next thing to come along (which was about a month after his death, if that long). She hasn't even had a moments worry over it. She gets to draw a check for the 2 boys she had with him. She has forgotten all about him the moment he died.


Suicide is never the answer. He won't think nothing about it. What you need to do is serve the Lord with your whole heart. I see your posts on here,yet I have never seen you pray for others. Maybe I just missed them. Their are so many in need. You may pray without writing anything. Everyone wants to know that someone cares. Writing a prayer sends comfort that someone cared enough and loved enough to post a prayer. There is work to do for His glory,everywhere. You may say...I'm a mess how can I help anyone? You can. There are others out there hurting too. They need to hear from someone that is in their shoes. You can give comfort to each other. You can lead a lost souls to Jesus. Just talking about Him, could plant the seed of salvation in someone. You can stop someone from taking the gift God has given them...the gift of life.
You can donate time visiting old age homes,hospitals,children hospitals, & homeless shelters. The list goes on and on.
Everyone has hard times. I know your young and want your hearts desire. God is not finished with you. He has great plans for you. It has to be in His time,though. Pray about it and don't expect it to happen right then and there.
I actually think this young man does not deserve you. I think there is someone out there who needs a loving woman,who will serve the Lord beside of him. This may be an old fashioned way of thinking,but when you do find the one God wants you to be with...save yourself for marriage. One of my favorite old sayings is...why buy the cow when you can get the milk free. Not to mention it is sin. I hope that this has helped in some way. You even be mad at some of the things I have said. But that is o.k. too. Just know that you are loved by God,your parents,others on here, and by me. Please stay here and help further God's kingdom.
If you are still having these thoughts,find a doctor who will help. Not one that sees you as a dollar sign. There are many of them out there. Find a church and get involved with their activites.
God's grace be upon you. I will be praying for you and for your parents. God bless you!