Want to know what's been going on to make me have these thoughts?

~Mom had to go to the hospital during the beginning of the year
~I had been betrayed by who I thought was my best friend... she was the one who got with my exboyfriend... and SHE was the one who I poured my heart to, and I get betrayed in a crucial, thieving act.
~Dad had to go to the hospital yesterday morning (thankfully released several hours later)
~We had received news of a death in the family last night (it was my mom's uncle who died of cancer)
~I'm currently hurt and literally sick to my stomach and has had no sleep in the last 24-48 hours
-Dad had to go back to the hospital AGAIN tonight because he has blood in his urine (JUST Found out from my mother that he has a kidney infection...!)
-and Dad fell down the stairs as he was walking to the van so my mom can drive him to the hospital for said above reason and she doesn't know if he broke his arm when he fell or what (He has indeed broken his hand from the fall... AND he sprained or broken the opposite arm as well... :()

I also received an email from my exboyfriend earlier tonight... it read:

"You were not betrayed. She's (my friend who took him away from me) still your friend, regardless of what you may feel. This is what I would call shifting the blame from yourself to her (it's easier to do, after all). She is not a thief. If anything, I'm the thief. It's not betrayal, due to the fact that I specifically told you that we would never come to be. (it's been what... a year?) (<- and he said he didn't say 'never', like last time)

I thought that this was to stop. I'm sorry that you're going through all of this turmoil with your family. However, as I've said before, and will say for the last time, I will not be the one to save you. Leave her out of this."

As if my year and NIGHT doesn't get worse... I am this close to ending my life, actually I've wanted to end it since I was 13 but couldn't muster to do so... but my life is hurting so bad... I want my ex to be saved and to be my husband (so he will not have this attitude or thoughts in his mind and have heavenly thoughts again and we can be one with Christ together), I want all bad things to stop right now...

I will not date anyone ever again until my ex comes around (he says never one week, then maybe we can date again the next, the never AGAIN the next) and I will not marry or date anyone else. People are telling me you want someone to love and cherish you but it may not be your ex and stuff like that. I've said I don't want ANYONE else (IF) my (ex)boyfriend doesn't come around. NO ONE. I will be alone for the rest of my life if possible!

I want my family to stop getting physically and emotionally hurt because it's making me hurt 10 times worse.

I've been having suicidal thoughts as of late. Actually it's been ever since I was 13 years old. Possibly earlier than that. And these thought have gotten stronger than ever. I confess. I want to end my life, only if it didn't send me to Hell in the process. I'm not going to go to therapy or a mental hospital because I have done that and it just won't work. I'm praying and praying but for what cost? Lord please help me... fulfill my desires that I've been praying for almost a YEAR for...! I'm hanging on a thread... Help me please...!