And two more things -
#1 -no one will ever understand God fully. Even people who have known Him for the most of their lives will have some questions unanswered still and some "why, God?" ananswered. Through out all of this we still have a choice - to let it throw us or to hold on with all our might to the things we DO know about Him and His charachter and His promises. One has to be bigger than God to understand Him fully and to grasp all of His way..And there is no one bigger than God.He does not require understanding from us, He wants faith, and giving Him all we have, regardless how imperfect it is.
#2 Joni Eareckson Tada wrote a book about her life and her journey with God. It wasn't always perfect and she had a long period when she was angry with God.
You see, GOd can handle that - Tanja, be angry if you will and be honest with him about that - you can tell Him - God, i don;t understand and I am hurt and I am angry, here isw my heart, cleanse me and guide me, help my hurts and have Your way with me.. God wants us to be real with Him - that what relationship with Him is all about. he knows everything anyway and we cant fake it. Sin needs to be confessed and repented and feelings should be given over to Him...We can cry at His feet and He understands. He will comfort in most unexpected ways...
SO back to Joni - she was paralysed from neck down when she was very young.. Al her life since then she lived paralysed.. and she claims God comforts Her and gives her joy - joy she shares with us, readers. Imagine her questions to Him, her journey.. Could it be that her life could be shared with you through her book?
No ones struggles diminish our own, but sometimes journeys shared can point us in the right direction..?

God bless you.