the only way to understand God is to know him...and you come to do that not by doing good works or volunteering with the dying. Those are good things to do...but you seem to believe that because you did them you deserved to be rewarded. You come to know God by reading his word...by seeking his guidance by living that word. A good and sound parent does not continually rescue their children. That will not teach them to be strong and to stand on their own...It will only keep them weak. Rather they will practice tough love with them...yes you can live here...but you will be expected to work and until you have a job...expected to earn your keep by doing household chores for example. God is far better as a father...that any parent on earth. He will help you but you will have to help yourself. If you fail a class for example...you will need to repeat it and study smarter and in some cases harder...he is not going to study for you. Again Tania...do what you wish...but your way will not change anything...and you will end up as I said before alone broken and bitter...your choice. May you find your way to him before you take your last breath. Good night.