I want to pray but everytime I get the nerve to I feel sick. As in the past the answer has always been "no". I have had enough of the rejection. No matter what it's as if I don't matter. I don't deserve a thing including sanity and I find it very difficult to want a relationship with something that does not want a relationship with me. It's just something I can not bring myself to do. It's like pondering whether you should ask you boss for a raise when you know the answer is going to be no. There's only so much humiliation one can take.