There is an old saying...I thought it sad that I had no shoes until I met a man that had no feet. Tania, God does not reach down and make us love him...nor does he want the type of love that is fleeting because you have received something that you want from him. God wants us to love him because he is...and for the gift of his son who made it possible for us to fellowship with him again...by taking upon himself all of our sins. You are 38 years old...with health and strength. There are many who lay in rooms dying alone with no-one to notice or care as I am typing this. You say God has never given you a reason to love him...ask yourself this question...what reason have you given God to love you? Your complaints...your self pity? But he continues to anyway...because he is God and he promised that he would...always. Tania shake off the self pity and look around you...see the world and its beauty through eyes that function...because of God. See the bed that you sleep in and the food that you eat...because of God. See the free speech that you have that would critisize the Creator and not be jailed or murdered for it...because of God. See the blessings that you have...and there are many...and know that until you appreciate them...and change your attitude you are in your own way to receive further blessings. Last year I lost my brother to a drunk driver...lost my mother to a good and kind death...lost my job through a merger...and did not know how I would eat or pay my bills. My husband committed adultery many years ago repetitively and finally I divorced him. But through it all...through the pain and challenges I knew my God was there and I found reason to praise him daily and to pray for the needs of his people. I am healing from my losses, and he has provided another job for me for which I am very grateful...but had he not...I would love him anyway...because he is God and his love for me is without question...in the person of the Savior he died for me and rose for me...and for you. Tania...it is time to grow beyond your disappointments and to stop blaming the Father for personal choices and failings. Thank him for life and for breath and for the ability to think and reason...thank him and the more you do...the more your relationship will grow with him...when you know him...he will bless you. I pray you consider and understand these word...and I pray for your peace and for you to find your joy...in HIM! In Jesus name...Amen!