Thanks for responding.
I think I gave up on God about 8 years ago. Believe me I really want to be the perfect Christian and I wanted to be everything in God but it seems that everything that I tried to do with my life was a failure and there was no God there to help me through any of it. Most days I pretend to be happy and feel like I am going insane. I have asked God to prove to me that he loves me but have yet to experience anything. Some days I dread waking up.
In a few months I will be 38 y.o. and have done absoultely nothing with my life. I wasted five years and $70,000 + on a college degree that I do not have. No education, no husband, no children, no job, no real life, no god and nothing to look forward to other than misery on a daily basis. I feel like such a waste to human life.