With all these posts here... I feel like I'm the worst Christian here. No one really understands why I desire these things... I don't have many people in my life... I rely on my parents a lot... I can't live for myself. I cannot cook, I cannot clean, nor sew, nor how to pay taxes. I don't feel like working most of the time, and I feel sick every weekend beforehand (including today). And if I were to die tonight... chances are I might not receive eternal riches... Because of your reactions to my posts, and also my mind/heart set... Can God understand why I desire these things...? No one really has a clue what I went through since childhood to now... I rather not go into a lot of detail on that either, because I might end up either making you guys more angry... or feel sorry for me out of pity. I try talking to people who I believe could understand... but no one could. I tried therapy; didn't work... I even talk to God every day and night... and nothing changes and things go from bad to worse. My life has been going down instead of up throughout the years. I'm not angry at God... I'm more angry at myself and angry at what my life has become or may become because my desires might not be realized and I could be making you guys even more angry the more times I post a request... which is why I felt like leaving and not post again... because my post always make you guys angry... especially when I speak my mind on some things... It's heartbreaking to say the least... I feel like I'm giving Christians a bad name... I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do here... Do I stop praying all together... or do I just stop posting my heart for the world to see with the risk of angering some people, like I have angered some of you...? I don't know who else to turn to at this time except God... but God put people here on earth to come and talk to as well... that's the thing, I just don't know what other people to turn to... as I have said I do not have many people. I feel alone when it comes to subjects like this... it's like something you don't want to hear, and I understand... maybe I should just go on my own for a while... with God's help... if I angered you guys, I'm sorry... and to withhold any more anger here... I should take my leave for now. I might be back in a few months or something. I've said it once, but I thought I would give it another shot... but maybe I should have waited a bit longer. Thanks for everything. I'll post some other time... keep praying for me... but remember... these desires are all I have left... And if you really knew what's going on besides the stuff I have posted... you may understand why. God Bless.

~Mel-S