I am a 21 year old christian woman living in New Zealand. I am struggling with an issue in my life which has become overwhelming. I feel like God isnt around me anymore, like my constant bad behaviour has driven him away. I feel like every week I am repenting for the same sins and begging God to help me deal with my sin but the struggle remains the same.

The issue I guess is sex. I lost my virginity at 17and ever since then i have struggled so much to keep myself pure for the man Ill one day love and marry. I beg God to help me resist sexual sin but it seems like the temptation only gets harder the older I get - lately I have had sex with two guys who I did not even know. It breaks my heart but yet I still do it and I dont understand why. Each time I wholeheartadly repentend and vowed to God that I will keep myself pure but yet I still went out and did it again. I liken it to a drug addiction - you know its bad for you but you still go back for more. I look at the other christian girls around me who are so good and I wonder why Im the only one struggling. I feel utterly worthless inside and Im afraid of how down Ill get if I keep behaving like this.

Most of my friends are non-christian and the christian ones that I do have are so judgemental that I cant talk to them about this. Im not just talking about having sex with a boyfriend who I love - its the meaningless sex with strangers that has become almost like an addiction and I have no idea how to deal with this. I truely do feel like God has abandoned me now because I keep repenting and then walking straight back into the same sin.

Thanks so much for reading this and thank you in advance for your prayer.