Dear Courtney,

Please remember that God DOES love you although that is sometimes difficult for us to believe when we've gone through such horrifying experiences. I realize everything looks very grim in your life right now but all of your experiences are going to make you a strong and powerful woman. You will have the knowledge and ability to help others in pain. I, too, grew up fearing God (not fear in the "honor" regard but in the "frightened" regard) as we attended a Southern Baptist church where the pastor screamed as he used the antiquated fire and brimstone approach. As you learn more about the Bible and God's true ways, you will begin to feel better and and have a much better understanding. It is hard, but God's ways are not our ways. He loves you know matter what. He is right behind you guiding you if you allow Him. Please explore different churches in your city and find one with a good teen bible study. Check into speaking with a faith-based counselor. Please hang on. Spiritual growth is a lifelong process. I felt a lot like you did at your age and I am now old enough to be your Mom and I cannot tell you what I have been through but I am still here only because I believe! Check out some of Pastor Andy Stanley's messages. He spent years as a youth pastor and always has good advice. Courtney, please know that I will be praying for you. I know you are going to pull through! God bless you and write me anytime!

Love and blessings,
Cheryl

P.S. This is what Joseph said to his brothers after they severely mistreated him. He had a rough life too but with God's help, he pulled through and was a huge success:

Genesis 50:20 As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.

http://illustratedbible.net/new_page_5.htm