i wrote something similar on here a few days ago, i wrote how i want to die as well. i even try to find people to do it for me and websites on how to do it quickly and painless. i have tried 3 different ways and so far no luck. I recently prayed for my own death as well and still here. so i have come to the conclusion that God wants me alive for a reason and i need to repent for all the stupid actions i took in the last little while. i also figured out that no matter what God will forgive. he never changes so please repent and get help like i am doing. i do not know if this will work but i need to try and trust God that he has a plan- a plan to prosper and not to harm a plan to provide and to love all his children's. I also realize that life is tough but think about those who are blind, deaf, loss of limbs, abused ect if some how they can keep moving forward i can too