I will keep you in my prayers, my friend. In the meantime do give a try to the above mentioned suicide prevention hotline, please. Sometimes our Lord acts through other people and he's only waiting for us to reach out. I know it's very hard, it feels like you're alone and have no place in this world. But those are lies, you are not alone and you are irreplacable in this world. You are loved. God will help you, please don't take your life.
I'll pray for strength for you