It sounds as if you’ve been dealing with a tremendous amount of discouragement and disappointment in your life. Don’t carry your burdens alone. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline operates toll-free, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Just call 1-800-273-TALK. Their TTY number is 1-800-799-4TTY. Your life is precious no matter what temporary issues you’re facing. I’m praying for God to surround you with His love and care.