Hi.
(Sorry, rant ....
short version: Please pray that God shows me what my purpose is and makes me feel useful).

I am one of those who grew up in a Christian home, and always took it for granted that God is the awesome daddy that loves us and will always care for us.

I no longer believe that. I do believe in the existence of God (and Jesus), but it feels like God is just some remote being who either does not care about his creations, or enjoys their sufferings.

...and no, I don't think my life is worse than that of anyone else,
who knows, maybe my life seems great to some (There's no war where I live, I don't starve, I am not ill .... ) but I just cannot enjoy life. I feel useless, clumsy, stupid ... as I have most of my life.

I don't know how many times I have told God to just kill me ... obviously he hasn't. (No worries, I will not hurt myself). .... but it feels like the more angry I become at God, the more bad stuff happens... as if he is beating me for being bad. Not the God I was taught about as a child...

Please pray that I find some purpose in life. Feeling this way makes me not only sad, but angry and unfocused ... I think people are starting to notice, even if they are not telling me straight out :S

(Thanks!)