Hi.
(Sorry, rant ....
short version: Please pray that God shows me what my purpose is and makes me feel useful).

I am one of those who grew up in a Christian home, and always took it for granted that God is the awesome daddy that loves us and will always care for us.

I no longer believe that. I do believe in the existence of God (and Jesus), but it feels like God is just some remote being who either does not care about his creations, or enjoys their sufferings.

...and no, I don't think my life is worse than that of anyone else,
who knows, maybe my life seems great to some (There's no war where I live, I don't starve, I am not ill .... ) but I just cannot enjoy life. I feel useless, clumsy, stupid ... as I have most of my life.

I don't know how many times I have told God to just kill me ... obviously he hasn't. (No worries, I will not hurt myself). .... but it feels like the more angry I become at God, the more bad stuff happens... as if he is beating me for being bad. Not the God I was taught about as a child...

Please pray that I find some purpose in life. Feeling this way makes me not only sad, but angry and unfocused ... I think people are starting to notice, even if they are not telling me straight out :S

(Thanks!)

My dear friend in the Lord I hear and feel your pain. The Lord tells us in His word that he will never leave or forsake us. The feelings of uselessness and stupidity are lies from the deceiver my friend. He wants to drag us into misery and despair and make us feel worthless. Our Father's eternal word tells us otherwise. We are more unique than even the stars in the heavens themselves. God loves us so much that even when we were in total rebellion against Him he came to redeem and save us from judgement. I know you may think He is far far away from You but He is a whispered prayer away my friend. The world and Satan and even other people will try to define who you are but it's our Heavenly Father who truly sees and loves us my friend. Rest on His word and promises my friend and believe Him. As His word tells us to trust not in our own feelings and understanding but trust and lean on Him. He is the author and finisher of our salvation dear one. The mighty rock that we can stand on in the midst of any storm. Remember we walk by faith not by sight Luthien. Our Father will not fail us if we trust and love Him with all our hearts and minds..Lord Father I pray that You would move in Luthien's life and by Your Spirit draw them into a deep and an abiding walk of faith.

I pray this in Jesus mighty name,

Amen

Lord, please lift this child of yours up and let them know their worth... Fill them with hope and renew their faith in your loving name Jesus. Amen

In Jesus Name I pray mercy, grace, favor over this person. In Jesus Name I decree and declare Psalms 118:25 and abundantly life over this person. In Jesus Name I decree and declare what is impossible with people is possible with God over this person.
In Jesus Name I decree and declare 1 John 3:8 b) over this person. In Jesus Name I decree and declare "The Son of God came to destroy the works of the devil" over this person. In Jesus Name I decree and declare Zechariah 4:7 agaisnt any mountain which is agaisnt this person.

Lord's children are called kings first in Revelation 1:6 KJV. Is important to use authority and office of the king in spiritual realm. Also according with Exodus 20:5 is important to be free from any legal right from any unclean spirit.
In Jesus Name I decree and declare Exodus 14:14 and Deuteronomy 28:6-8 and 1 Chronicles 4:10 and Psalms 1:3 and Psalms 5:12 and Psalms 18:29 and Psalms 18:39 and Psalms 23 and Psalms 91 and Psalms 103:3 and Psalms 107:20 and Psalms 118:17 and Psalms 121:2 and 1 Peter 2:24 and Isaiah 54:17 and Ephesians 3:20 and Romans 8:37 and Philippians 4:13 and Luke 18:27 and Jeremiah 29:11 and 2 Samuel 22:33 and John 16:24 and according with Lord's will over this person.
Thank You Lord

Fighting God is of no use. It just makes things worse.
Yielding to Him and His ways will lift you to place of joy and peace. The Lord gives grace to the humble.
I pray all will be well. He is faithful and loves you.