There is an old saying...I thought it sad that I had no shoes until I met a man that had no feet. Tania, God does not reach down and make us love him...nor does he want the type of love that is fleeting because you have received something that you want from him. God wants us to love him because he is...and for the gift of his son who made it possible for us to fellowship with him again...by taking upon himself all of our sins. You are 38 years old...with health and strength. There are many who lay in rooms dying alone with no-one to notice or care as I am typing this. You say God has never given you a reason to love him...ask yourself this question...what reason have you given God to love you? Your complaints...your self pity? But he continues to anyway...because he is God and he promised that he would...always. Tania shake off the self pity and look around you...see the world and its beauty through eyes that function...because of God. See the bed that you sleep in and the food that you eat...because of God. See the free speech that you have that would critisize the Creator and not be jailed or murdered for it...because of God. See the blessings that you have...and there are many...and know that until you appreciate them...and change your attitude you are in your own way to receive further blessings. Last year I lost my brother to a drunk driver...lost my mother to a good and kind death...lost my job through a merger...and did not know how I would eat or pay my bills. My husband committed adultery many years ago repetitively and finally I divorced him. But through it all...through the pain and challenges I knew my God was there and I found reason to praise him daily and to pray for the needs of his people. I am healing from my losses, and he has provided another job for me for which I am very grateful...but had he not...I would love him anyway...because he is God and his love for me is without question...in the person of the Savior he died for me and rose for me...and for you. Tania...it is time to grow beyond your disappointments and to stop blaming the Father for personal choices and failings. Thank him for life and for breath and for the ability to think and reason...thank him and the more you do...the more your relationship will grow with him...when you know him...he will bless you. I pray you consider and understand these word...and I pray for your peace and for you to find your joy...in HIM! In Jesus name...Amen!

I can't thank him for life because had I had the choice I would not have wanted to be born. I still don't see anything important enough about me to have life. It would not matter to me if I did not wake up tomorrow. All I know is that I would be free. Sorry but that is just how I feel about me.

Guest Wrote:So sad you don't see it. He DIED for YOU!! He didn't have to!! No blessings? Did you eat today? Are you warm? Did you sleep? Do you have computer access? Can you read, write, hear, see, smell??? Can you love others??? Can you help anyone with a words, deed, prayer?

I will be praying for you Tanja. You bare in bondage now and you bCAn get free by the truth if you choose to. Strongly consider reading Bible daily and holding on, applyin to yourself to what you find there.

I don't think he died for me. If I loved someone enough to die for them I would take care of them whilst they were alive and ensure their happiness. Not turn my back on them when I knew that they needed me most.

Tania, get up out of bed, shake the dust off your feet and choose to live. Read the purpose driven life and you will know why you are here on earth. This is not our home, we are just travelling through. as long as you are feeling sorrow for yourself you will be unable to go forward. You are worth loving and have self esteem issues. Until you find your identy in Christ and believe in yourself you will continue to wallow in self pity. I was a single parent for 10 years. I prayed for 10 years and God did grant me what I wanted. Who knows what tomorrow will bring you may only be a prayer away from something great. Quitters never win and winners never quit. Which one are you? You my friend are more than a conquerer by Christ Jesus. He longs to hold you in his arms. Your tears are stored in a bottle because they are so precious to Jesus. He died for you, what more can you want or ask for? Feel this right now, I am reaching out over this channel and I am hugging you. I am holding you in my arms and telling you everything will work out. I pray a real live person will walk into your home today and say these exact words, encourage you and that you will not sink further into the pit of dispair. Take up your mat and walk. You must put your foot into the water for the sea to part. Dig deep and fight for yourself. You have value and you are loved, even though you may not feel it. It is there for the asking. Talk to God he is waiting at the door for you. Just knock, and the door will be opened, seek and you will find.

Thank you all. Once again I will try but it hasn't so far.

It's ok to feel sad, to be angry, to be overwhelmed by circumstances, but to be angry with God, to give up, to not find meaning that is of GOD in our lives, is not ok.
God Wrote The Book of LIFE.
All of this will play out to HIS GLORY.
I love thinking about HIS BOOK/ THE BOOK OF LIFE/ what Heaven will be like, all of what is, of GOD.
How fasincating & beautiful.
This is not grounded in my circumstances because they are every changing. I also know when I am hurt, or left behind, when I succeed & am overjoyed, this is all for & of GOD.
What I hear from you Tania & I may be wrong, is that it sounds as if you do not know love, that somehow you are not relating your circumstances to love, & I would ask you, how do you picture JESUS? What is he like to you? What is his personality like?
Who is he? How does he love you.
Search your mind for this. LOVE. God = Love
Find the God Image in your mind that is loving for you, seek this with all of your might. Once you find it /hold tight, imagine JESUS.
Find your heart, thank God For it, then don't let go.
remember the mustard seed...
even if we have faith as small as a mustard seed..
don't give up, on GOD.
this is not about circumstances, it's about love.
You have to find love in yourself, grasp it & make it grow, like the mustard seed.
it's effort.. it sounds like perhaps too you are suffering from depression, perhaps finding a medication may help you get over this, that you find peace in whatever life trials come your way.
God Bless. God = Love
you have to work @ it, the energy...
it is WORK. make yourself move/ get medication if need be.
it's about movement ...
we are beings of light. GOD Is LIGHT.
electrifying, love, holy, LIGHT.
physically move about if need be, but God Is Energy/Light/LOVE.
noone can do this for you.
God Bless you & I pray for your healing.

iwant2know Wrote:Thank you all. Once again I will try but it hasn't so far.

god really does exist. Just a few months ago I wa s doubting god. Then my aunt took me to church with her I just opened my heart to god and he gave me his holy spirit. Now that god is in my life I am so much happier. But as most people think nowadays because you believe in god your life will be good well that's not the truth! If you read the book of job his life was a living hell but he never gave up hope and was extremely rich. Jesus is coming like a thief he will come at a moment you do not expect so be prepared!
god bless you.

I want to pray but everytime I get the nerve to I feel sick. As in the past the answer has always been "no". I have had enough of the rejection. No matter what it's as if I don't matter. I don't deserve a thing including sanity and I find it very difficult to want a relationship with something that does not want a relationship with me. It's just something I can not bring myself to do. It's like pondering whether you should ask you boss for a raise when you know the answer is going to be no. There's only so much humiliation one can take.

Tania if you continue on in this same way you will become a bitter old woman alone and broken. God is waiting for you to turn to Him...to seek Him...to acknowledge his presence and to seek and surrender to His direction. If you choose to continue to reject Him he will let you and you will remain exactly as you are alone and miserable...it is called free will. We as prayer warriors can pray for you until our lips are numb...but unless you choose to believe and pray for a change of heart it will have no effect. God only acts for those that are His...not those who thinks he humiliates them. You are writing your own epitaph...if you want your life to change...it does not start with others or with God... it starts with you and your opening yourself to him. Lord help this woman to have a change of heart. In Jesus name...Amen!

AMEN. Free Will!
I try to regularly picture myself with NOTHING in this world.
Homeless, no food, completely barren of all worldly comforts/needs.
Then I look up to HIM & say, God, thank YOU, I know YOU ARE THERE & I Rejoice.
I know that this is not my eternal home, this earth is a testing & God Is our Savior, He Is The Answer to our problems.
I agree, Tania, it is sad that you don't choose God, but you are choosing.
Why do you write here? Do you just ask is there some going up & some not, according to scripture? Yes, that is what scripture says.
We choose. Then we work out our salvation, "with fear & trembling."
Whether you are old & bitter or rich & happy, on this earth, it's about GOD. Without Jesus, we do not know Eternal Life.
It is written.
I pray you choose Christ. But as others say, it is up to you, NOONE can do this for you. We choose then walk it out & face GOD on Judgement Day.

adoring1 Wrote:Tania if you continue on in this same way you will become a bitter old woman alone and broken. God is waiting for you to turn to Him...to seek Him...to acknowledge his presence and to seek and surrender to His direction. If you choose to continue to reject Him he will let you and you will remain exactly as you are alone and miserable...it is called free will. We as prayer warriors can pray for you until our lips are numb...but unless you choose to believe and pray for a change of heart it will have no effect. God only acts for those that are His...not those who thinks he humiliates them. You are writing your own epitaph...if you want your life to change...it does not start with others or with God... it starts with you and your opening yourself to him. Lord help this woman to have a change of heart. In Jesus name...Amen!