Mel-S Wrote:...8+ months... and now still counting... because I did not get to see him and he's leaving tomorrow... He was planning on coming to see me today... but then his cousins stopped by and he couldn't leave. At first my mom accused him of being a liar and making excuses to not come see me (which was completely wrong at her point especially since he told my dad this too since he called the house) and my mom got even more upset when I asked her "well why can't I go over there?" and she replied I'd be a fool to do that and forbid me to do so... I even know his cousins and his family... Yet she still forbid me to go over there... she'd think I'd start something (being his ex and all) and she thought that I would be a desperate fool to show up there even though I did love him... and she didn't care if I haven't saw him in over 8 months, that her word still stood... so I got chewed out both ways in... And even though she admitted to dad that she was wrong, she didn't admit it to me... My dad told me she admitted it, but it would have been more righteous for her to face me and admit it too, even if she is my mother... <- this proves what she thought of him even though we were together at that time... and the reason why I told you guys before that he (my ex) and my mother never really got along...
He (my ex) told me the news about 25 minutes after he asked me 'what time can we see each other?' We had it planned... then something came up at the last minute as I got off of work... and he's a bit disappointed to not have seen me this weekend... and so am I. I mean, it wasn't his fault because his cousins were stopping by and he didn't know until the last minute... And his family had so many plans piled up on him that he never had the time to contact me much or even see me for one day... not one. He told me he didn't want to lead me on/disappoint me from this... because he's disappointed at this as well... So... I guess I won't be seeing him until his next leave (which I hope it is around Christmas which is 2 weeks away I think...) but seriously... him being here at home and not being able to see me was and still is truly truly painful... and very disappointing... I had high hopes from this weekend and it died on me thanks to this. Does this mean I give up on him? ...NO. Far from that... I haven't tried harder enough. I just hope we see each other around Christmas... I'm very disappointed. Very upset too... it wasn't his fault, and I know that... he's just as disappointed. So now I might as well add another month to see not hearing his voice... hugging him again... hanging out with him... i miss everything about him. Yes, the tears are and still flowing... i had high hopes for this weekend... and it failed. I'm not going to give up on the man I love (my (ex)boyfriend) even though I have given up on men until he comes back/if he does not come back to me at all. That still stands as my decision... So... I'm sorry that I bugged you this weekend with these posts... My weekend pretty much failed after Thanksgiving. I was stuck in the house all weekend aside from work... my friends went out of town... and it was him that was in town... and the one I truly would have loved to spend time with this weekend... but alas, I got disappointed in the end... and it wasn't his fault. I hope to see him by Christmas (if you guys want to start praying for that, please do because I have already started). I want to see him again and I will stop at nothing to have him again as my man... That's what love will do to you. And I am in love... My decision still stands... even with this very disappointing news. Amen.
Mel,
Before I begin, I think I should say this. What I have to say may be hard to hear, but I think you truly need to hear it. I just ask that you have an open heart and mind and I thank you in advance for listening and taking the time to read this.
I'm not assuming that I know your situation, but I do think I might have some insight into the situation that you may not have simply because you are on the inside and I'm able to observe to tell you things that maybe you haven't considered. Perhaps your mom was going off, because she's tired of seeing you hurt. It sounds to me like your parents both treasure you and love you dearly and although her words may have been hard to hear, she says them out of love. If she does not approve of the relationship that could be why the Lord has not allowed it to come forth. Biblically, the Lord blesses the relationships that the parents approve of (at least in a good, God-fearing, Christian home). She is older and probably sees a lot that you don't, because you are blinded by your love for your ex (I can say that from my own experiences). There is something that tells her that this probably is not the one--and you got disappointed once more. Perhaps the Lord has given you an answer but you are not listening.
I know what I have to say is hard to hear, but I am not saying it in anger. I say it in love and in complete respect for you. Your mom is acting like my father did when I was so bound and determined to be reunited with the man I loved. However, his harsh words steered me in the right direction--I moved on. Although I have yet to find him, I know that the Lord does have someone in mind for me and believe me, there are times when we truly do not understand what we want. But the Lord does--He can see the needs that need to be filled that we cannot, He knows who will provide, who will come through, who will be a good leader of our homes, etc.
There is a reason this is not working--I think you have been relying to much on yourself. God doesn't not grant you something simply because you haven't tried hard enough or you haven't believe--sometimes that just isn't what He wants for you. He doesn't want you to end up alone--He wants to provide the BEST for you so that you don't end up miserable. He wants you to have joy beyond your wildest dreams and for you to be truly content with both yourself and with the person whomever He has for you.
Mel, I know this hurts, and although you may not admit it or think it, I think you are AFRAID to move on--I know I was. I thought if I move on then there's no hope for me. In my situation, my friend and I did not ever get together, but for once in my life I was close to getting into a relationship and to me, if that failed, it meant that I was going to be alone forever. However, when I moved on a weight was lifted--I can't emphasize that enough to you. I know now that it simply wasn't true--I am not going to be alone forever. The relationship I had with my friend (although it was never official) did not fail because of me--I tried everything to woe him to no avai. It was on him--that's probably the case for you. It seems to me that you are the one doing the work and you deserve someone who is going to LOVE YOU BACK--someone who will put forth as much effort as you in the relationship, someone who is on the same page spiritually, someone who is approved of by both your parents and the Lord--someone who will make you HAPPY.
How long has it been since you've really been happy? I think you should really reflect on that. How long has it been since he actually took a step and did something for you?
Again, I do not say this out of anger, but I say it in love. I know some of the things I've said may upset you or offend you, but I am not trying to--I'm truly trying to give you insight that will help you. I don't claim to know everything, but I think I can relate with you in a way that maybe no one else can. Please, Mel, don't give up on love. The Lord doesn't want that for you and that's obvious. To move on does hurt and it is a process, but I know that it is better than holding onto a dream that simply isn't meant to happen.
Perhaps you could look at it this way: What is your dream? I think if you thought about it, your dream would be to fall in love with someone who is willing to return that love and to get married. The Lord doesn't want to deprive you of that. However, He wants the best--so many people marry who they think is the one only to realize what a mistake it was, because they don't listen to their parents or they don't listen to the Lord. Mel, don't end up like that--find who the Lord has for you--He wants you to be happy.
Don't give up on Him, because He does want to make your dream come true, even if it isn't how you want it to be. But, trust me, it'll be far better than you can ever imagine. I mean, we are finite creatures, while He is the creator of the universe. He knows things that we could NEVER see. He gave you that dream for a reason (the dream to fall in love) but He doesn't want you to give up if it doesn't happen with this person. If it doesn't happen with your ex, don't fall into the trap of believe that it will NEVER happen with someone else. Too many people do that too and end up with either someone who makes the miserable or no one at all. Please, Mel. I realize that this is a lot of tough love, but I think that you need to hear it from someone.
Thank you for listening...I'm sorry if it has upset you, because that is not my intention. My intention is for you to see from outside point of view--for you to know that the Lord loves you and wants what is truly best for you.
May you find what you need, Mel.
Sincerely,
Lost Love
