Father, help this woman to understand that this friend is a very immature man...and more red flags are presenting. Why is it that all of his friends are woman? While this "girlfriend" may not be handling things with him well, no woman would feel secure in a relationship if all of the friends in his life were women. A man that is mature understands this and changes the way that he interacts with other woman when he moves into a committed relationship. Putting a man first after God requires that he do the same...and that means letting go of friendships that his woman is uncomfortable with. While his interaction with you has been above board...if you were his girlfriend how would you feel if all of his friendship time was spent in the company of other women? I share this because it is important that you be balanced in your perceptions of this situation. I think that you are looking at this "girlfriend" through the eyes of your feelings for this man, without considering that his own behavior/choices may indeed be contributing to stress in his relationship. When we choose to be in exclusive relationships with others...they need to BE exclusive to allow the relationship to grow in a healthy way. Does that mean that we cannot have friends? No that is not what that means...but it is highly unusual when a young man has no male friends with whom he fellowships regularly and instead they are all female.

One of the things that I discern is that this man is not ready for a relationship with ANYONE as this type of interaction would make any woman feel uncomfortable. Consider this...you are happy to be spending time with him, but if you were writing your own script for the situation...I think you will agree...you would be the girlfriend in the picture...and I am certain some of his other "friends" feel the same way. A "girlfriend" picks up on such things because of the way woman who are interested in a man act. How would you feel under the same conditions? I would not be so quick to judge her as this type of behavior is not appropriate for any man who wants a committed relationship...and suggests that he simply enjoys the attention of a lot of different woman. This is NOT the model for Christian dating... Consider these things as they are not the character traits that make for a good mate, In Jesus name...Amen!

adoring1 Wrote:Father, help this woman to understand that this friend is a very immature man...and more red flags are presenting. Why is it that all of his friends are woman? While this "girlfriend" may not be handling things with him well, no woman would feel secure in a relationship if all of the friends in his life were women. A man that is mature understands this and changes the way that he interacts with other woman when he moves into a committed relationship. Putting a man first after God requires that he do the same...and that means letting go of friendships that his woman is uncomfortable with. While his interaction with you has been above board...if you were his girlfriend how would you feel if all of his friendship time was spent in the company of other women? I share this because it is important that you be balanced in your perceptions of this situation. I think that you are looking at this "girlfriend" through the eyes of your feelings for this man, without considering that his own behavior/choices may indeed be contributing to stress in his relationship. When we choose to be in exclusive relationships with others...they need to BE exclusive to allow the relationship to grow in a healthy way. Does that mean that we cannot have friends? No that is not what that means...but it is highly unusual when a young man has no male friends with whom he fellowships regularly and instead they are all female.

One of the things that I discern is that this man is not ready for a relationship with ANYONE as this type of interaction would make any woman feel uncomfortable. Consider this...you are happy to be spending time with him, but if you were writing your own script for the situation...I think you will agree...you would be the girlfriend in the picture...and I am certain some of his other "friends" feel the same way. A "girlfriend" picks up on such things because of the way woman who are interested in a man act. How would you feel under the same conditions? I would not be so quick to judge her as this type of behavior is not appropriate for any man who wants a committed relationship...and suggests that he simply enjoys the attention of a lot of different woman. This is NOT the model for Christian dating... Consider these things as they are not the character traits that make for a good mate, In Jesus name...Amen!

I hope that this doesn't offend you. I completely understand where you are coming from in what you have said...it used to upset me about his friendships. However, from what I have seen, he has been somewhat abandoned by his male friends. Most of them got married and then stopped speaking with him, probably because their own families came first. His interactions with me have been appropriate (neither he nor I have been flirtacious) and I do understand where this girlfriend may be coming from...but my friend has no intentions with the other friends. He speaks of his best friend (the one that I no longer associate with due to her actions) in a very lovely way, but he has no romantic interest in her. I believe he's told me the truth and I think he has a wholesome love relationship with her.

I still find her actions disturbing, because he would have no one to associate with--she barely knows him and she seems to act like she is happy with the idea of being in love rather than loving him.

Please understand, I am not trying to pick a fight and I do not write in anger. I am merely trying to explain the situation so that you may better understand why. I think it's one of those things that is unique...he is a very unique person and I understand why you would say the things that you have said, but I do not believe that he does so to get the attention of a ton of women...I think that is how his life has ended up. He expresses how he wished that he had guy friends (he grew up in a large family of all boys) and how girls don't typically understand how he feels. I think he's trying to make strides, but I don't know that the Lord has brought to him the male friends he would have him to have.

Does any of this make sense? I understand if you are not pursuaded and I do understand why you would say the things you have stated, but I think it's hard to explain unless you're in the situation...you know? From what my friend has said, she practically threw herself at him after knowing him for two days and he felt pressured into asking her out--I think they are both in it for the wrong reasons and I do not think that this person is bringing him much happiness. He's been avoidant of her.

I do agree...he has a lot of maturing to do. I don't think that he is ready for a relationship of any kind and I completely agree with you in that aspect. I also think his girlfriend is not ready...she is very demanding, very immature and much younger than him. And...I'm not just saying that because I have feelings for him. I think that they need to end it before things get ugly.

I hope that I haven't been offensive. I'm not trying to pick a fight. As I have said before, I just wanted to explain why I think the way I do and from the viewpoint of the situation. And...if you disagree, I understand--we can agree that he does need saved--it doesn't matter much about all the relationship stuff. I think it is of Satan at this point, because no girl will be right for him until he finds the Lord. I think that that is what he is searching for, why he is so empty and seeking female attention. I just want to continue to be his friend and see him won to Christ--I'm not here to ruin his relationships (I know how painful it is to be the girl, like his girlfriend, and to wonder what he's doing with all these women...I don't wish to hurt her, manipulate or do anything detrimental.) And, I'm not saying that you were saying all of this--I'm just expressing where I stand. I really am not angry and I don't want the tone of this replay to seem as such. But, please pray for him--to get saved. We cannot control that--only the Lord can, although the choice is ultimately up to my friend. I don't see him not getting saved, but I understand that he has that choice. Just pray that I can be a better light than I have. I'm tired of focusing on a relationship with him or what he has with other women--neither of which are truly important. The fact is, he's on his way to hell as well as a lifetime filled with heartache in not knowing the Lord. The Lord has opened other doors and I am hoping that it will prepare me to witness to him, if the Lord deems as such.

He just doesn't seem to have much--he has nothing without Christ. I don't want him to suffer any more, and although we suffer as christians, that suffering has purpose, a reason. His suffering is all in vain. I just want him to be saved and focus on the Lord rather than on a relationship--I want us to be friends in Christ, because frankly, I cannot be bonded in this way--I have nothing to say about men or what I think of them...nothing significant. I don't want to be bonded in an earthly manner--it would be so awesome if he knew the Lord and we would be bonded even just as friends in that way...we could pray together, talk about the Lord--I could see him grow.

It's ultimately up to the Lord whether or not this happens...I wish for all of my friends to be saved and I do see Him working in their lives as well--I just need to be a better witness, allow the Lord to work through me rather than me working for the Lord (the Spirit v. the flesh).

Again, I hope you haven't been offended. I am not angry...although, I think I've gone on quite the tanget. lol I think this has been therapeutic, being able to talk to someone and get my feelings out there. I have another Christian friend that I talk to and some people at church, as well as my family. The Lord has given a lot of support during this--and I appreciate you for keeping in touch, for thinking to pray for me and taking the time to listen. Thank you for everything.

Sincerely,
Lost Love

:-) You have not offended me in any way...and of course my greatest concern is his salvation which I pray the Lord leads him to very soon. I also know that you know your situation better than I do as you are living it everyday. However...I have 3 brothers...two are step brothers but we grew into adulthood together. One of them was very much the way you describe this young man when he was young...and he was unable to break this pattern and lost two wives because of it. Most of those relationships were true friendships...but sadly as time went on some were not and became more than they should have been. He simply felt more comfortable in the company of woman...which when he was young he would not admit...but as he got older and struggled to become saved he realized. He too had few male friends but as he got older after 2 divorces he tried his best to develop them and became successful in doing so. What I am saying is that you know your situation as it appears to you now...time will lead you to understand more, if it is in God's will...but for now, let us pray that his young man be moved to know the Lord...to ask for salvation that he might allow Jesus to grow his life. In Jesus name...Amen!

adoring1 Wrote::-) You have not offended me in any way...and of course my greatest concern is his salvation which I pray the Lord leads him to very soon. I also know that you know your situation better than I do as you are living it everyday. However...I have 3 brothers...two are step brothers but we grew into adulthood together. One of them was very much the way you describe this young man when he was young...and he was unable to break this pattern and lost two wives because of it. Most of those relationships were true friendships...but sadly as time went on some were not and became more than they should have been. He simply felt more comfortable in the company of woman...which when he was young he would not admit...but as he got older and struggled to become saved he realized. He too had few male friends but as he got older after 2 divorces he tried his best to develop them and became successful in doing so. What I am saying is that you know your situation as it appears to you now...time will lead you to understand more, if it is in God's will...but for now, let us pray that his young man be moved to know the Lord...to ask for salvation that he might allow Jesus to grow his life. In Jesus name...Amen!

That does make sense...maybe my friend is like your brother and just isn't fully aware of what he's doing. I understand what you meant. And thanks once again. I really appreciate you and I am thankful that the Lord has given me someone so understanding to speak to about all of this.

Dear Havenly Father The Kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven forgive us are sin as we for give are debtor and lead us not into temptiation but deliver us from evil Please answer this person prayer acord to your will and bless there life Lord and we give you all the priase honor and glory in all of this. IN JESUS NAME I PRAY AMEN

Adoring1, I agree with your post.

It is important to have balance in life going into exclusive relationships, then marriage. One does need same sex friendships & be ready to let go of whatever might hinder the commitedness. It's somewhat like when we give our life to Jesus. It's not easy, there are changes, also many benefits. Those that are not matured in Christ do not have the inner workings yet to handle those types of responsibilities.

As your post on marriage (Adoring1), one has to discern whether the potential partner is grown up in Christ. That is the most important connection we have & giving someone the space to work this out first, then coming together with HIM as focus is how Christian marriages succeed.


quote=stevendanielsen]
Dear Havenly Father The Kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven forgive us are sin as we for give are debtor and lead us not into temptiation but deliver us from evil Please answer this person prayer acord to your will and bless there life Lord and we give you all the priase honor and glory in all of this. IN JESUS NAME I PRAY AMEN
[/quote]

A sign of maturity is in watching to see how much effort one puts into keeping that balance in their life. Do they always seek attention from the opposite sex, are they able to be strong, refusing sex outside of marriage, do they walk the walk or just talk the talk.

Guest Wrote:

adoring1 Wrote:Father, help this woman to understand that this friend is a very immature man...and more red flags are presenting. Why is it that all of his friends are woman? While this "girlfriend" may not be handling things with him well, no woman would feel secure in a relationship if all of the friends in his life were women. A man that is mature understands this and changes the way that he interacts with other woman when he moves into a committed relationship. Putting a man first after God requires that he do the same...and that means letting go of friendships that his woman is uncomfortable with. While his interaction with you has been above board...if you were his girlfriend how would you feel if all of his friendship time was spent in the company of other women? I share this because it is important that you be balanced in your perceptions of this situation. I think that you are looking at this "girlfriend" through the eyes of your feelings for this man, without considering that his own behavior/choices may indeed be contributing to stress in his relationship. When we choose to be in exclusive relationships with others...they need to BE exclusive to allow the relationship to grow in a healthy way. Does that mean that we cannot have friends? No that is not what that means...but it is highly unusual when a young man has no male friends with whom he fellowships regularly and instead they are all female.

One of the things that I discern is that this man is not ready for a relationship with ANYONE as this type of interaction would make any woman feel uncomfortable. Consider this...you are happy to be spending time with him, but if you were writing your own script for the situation...I think you will agree...you would be the girlfriend in the picture...and I am certain some of his other "friends" feel the same way. A "girlfriend" picks up on such things because of the way woman who are interested in a man act. How would you feel under the same conditions? I would not be so quick to judge her as this type of behavior is not appropriate for any man who wants a committed relationship...and suggests that he simply enjoys the attention of a lot of different woman. This is NOT the model for Christian dating... Consider these things as they are not the character traits that make for a good mate, In Jesus name...Amen!

I hope that this doesn't offend you. I completely understand where you are coming from in what you have said...it used to upset me about his friendships. However, from what I have seen, he has been somewhat abandoned by his male friends. Most of them got married and then stopped speaking with him, probably because their own families came first. His interactions with me have been appropriate (neither he nor I have been flirtacious) and I do understand where this girlfriend may be coming from...but my friend has no intentions with the other friends. He speaks of his best friend (the one that I no longer associate with due to her actions) in a very lovely way, but he has no romantic interest in her. I believe he's told me the truth and I think he has a wholesome love relationship with her.

I still find her actions disturbing, because he would have no one to associate with--she barely knows him and she seems to act like she is happy with the idea of being in love rather than loving him.

Please understand, I am not trying to pick a fight and I do not write in anger. I am merely trying to explain the situation so that you may better understand why. I think it's one of those things that is unique...he is a very unique person and I understand why you would say the things that you have said, but I do not believe that he does so to get the attention of a ton of women...I think that is how his life has ended up. He expresses how he wished that he had guy friends (he grew up in a large family of all boys) and how girls don't typically understand how he feels. I think he's trying to make strides, but I don't know that the Lord has brought to him the male friends he would have him to have.

Does any of this make sense? I understand if you are not pursuaded and I do understand why you would say the things you have stated, but I think it's hard to explain unless you're in the situation...you know? From what my friend has said, she practically threw herself at him after knowing him for two days and he felt pressured into asking her out--I think they are both in it for the wrong reasons and I do not think that this person is bringing him much happiness. He's been avoidant of her.

I do agree...he has a lot of maturing to do. I don't think that he is ready for a relationship of any kind and I completely agree with you in that aspect. I also think his girlfriend is not ready...she is very demanding, very immature and much younger than him. And...I'm not just saying that because I have feelings for him. I think that they need to end it before things get ugly.

I hope that I haven't been offensive. I'm not trying to pick a fight. As I have said before, I just wanted to explain why I think the way I do and from the viewpoint of the situation. And...if you disagree, I understand--we can agree that he does need saved--it doesn't matter much about all the relationship stuff. I think it is of Satan at this point, because no girl will be right for him until he finds the Lord. I think that that is what he is searching for, why he is so empty and seeking female attention. I just want to continue to be his friend and see him won to Christ--I'm not here to ruin his relationships (I know how painful it is to be the girl, like his girlfriend, and to wonder what he's doing with all these women...I don't wish to hurt her, manipulate or do anything detrimental.) And, I'm not saying that you were saying all of this--I'm just expressing where I stand. I really am not angry and I don't want the tone of this replay to seem as such. But, please pray for him--to get saved. We cannot control that--only the Lord can, although the choice is ultimately up to my friend. I don't see him not getting saved, but I understand that he has that choice. Just pray that I can be a better light than I have. I'm tired of focusing on a relationship with him or what he has with other women--neither of which are truly important. The fact is, he's on his way to hell as well as a lifetime filled with heartache in not knowing the Lord. The Lord has opened other doors and I am hoping that it will prepare me to witness to him, if the Lord deems as such.

He just doesn't seem to have much--he has nothing without Christ. I don't want him to suffer any more, and although we suffer as christians, that suffering has purpose, a reason. His suffering is all in vain. I just want him to be saved and focus on the Lord rather than on a relationship--I want us to be friends in Christ, because frankly, I cannot be bonded in this way--I have nothing to say about men or what I think of them...nothing significant. I don't want to be bonded in an earthly manner--it would be so awesome if he knew the Lord and we would be bonded even just as friends in that way...we could pray together, talk about the Lord--I could see him grow.

It's ultimately up to the Lord whether or not this happens...I wish for all of my friends to be saved and I do see Him working in their lives as well--I just need to be a better witness, allow the Lord to work through me rather than me working for the Lord (the Spirit v. the flesh).

Again, I hope you haven't been offended. I am not angry...although, I think I've gone on quite the tanget. lol I think this has been therapeutic, being able to talk to someone and get my feelings out there. I have another Christian friend that I talk to and some people at church, as well as my family. The Lord has given a lot of support during this--and I appreciate you for keeping in touch, for thinking to pray for me and taking the time to listen. Thank you for everything.

Sincerely,
Lost Love

Update--

I understand what some of you are saying. To clarify, this is nota saved man and he has been worldly in his behaviors with the opposite sex and it is directly to the fact that he is not lead by the Holy Spirit. I'm not asking to be with this man--nor am I going to sit here and deny that I don't want to be with him...I would be a very bad liar if I did such. lol However, that isn't the focus that I want to take--not at this point. 1. He has a girlfriend and even if I do not like her, the fact remains that he is with her, not me. I will be respectful of that unless/until that changes. 2. He is not saved and I have no business being unequally yoked with him. I do believe the Lord is drawing him nearer, but as the old saying goes, he's so close, yet so far. There is still a lot of ground to cover and if you guys would please focus on this.

He is not mature. I was upset today when he cancelled plans suddenly with me to go hunting. That would have been fine and dandy--I understand when someone changes plans--but, he didn't tell me until today when I was trying to ask when we would meet up. I went off in one text, simply saying, "Lame. Thanks for the advanced notice," but I apologized and wished him a good time. I felt bad for getting angry, although I think I had a right to be. It doesn't matter much now. He isn't always like this, but when he is flaky or if he's extremely late (he's worse than a woman sometimes) it upsets me. Like I said, he does show consideration and he does care, but when he does such things it does upset me.

Anyway...my venting aside, I think it would be best for the time being not to focus on that. I'm going to take a step back and focus on my studies during the time that we normally have lunch together. I don't know if I'll see him much or if he'll try to contact me, but please pray for me to have strength. I do want to continue to be his friend and something like this wouldn't end our friendship, but it still hurts when he's like this. I want to continue to be a Christian influence, so please pray that I can be such. I think that the Lord has asked me to be the one Christian friend he has and that the Lord would have me to be a witness--even if we never get together. Even then, as some of you have said, he needs to grow in the Lord and he needs to mature as a general rule.

Thank you for your support and prayers.

Sincerely,
Lost Love

Father, thank you for this young woman's resolve to back up from this young man for now. I pray that you would strengthen her to keep this commitment to herself and to you that you may work on the heart of this man with one less distraction. Father stir up his heart and show him who you are! Show him the reality of your power and the deep and eternal meaning of your love. Give him no place to turn Father but to you...distance him from all of his female friends Father that he may have no distractions. Humble him down to the point where he feels the weight of conviction of his being a sinner and crys out for your Son Jesus for mercy and for him to enter his heart and guide his life. Father...teach this man to be faithful beginning with you...to be respectful of others beginning with you and your Son! Father please in your loving kindness...save this man! In Jesus name...Amen!

adoring1 Wrote:Father, thank you for this young woman's resolve to back up from this young man for now. I pray that you would strengthen her to keep this commitment to herself and to you that you may work on the heart of this man with one less distraction. Father stir up his heart and show him who you are! Show him the reality of your power and the deep and eternal meaning of your love. Give him no place to turn Father but to you...distance him from all of his female friends Father that he may have no distractions. Humble him down to the point where he feels the weight of conviction of his being a sinner and crys out for your Son Jesus for mercy and for him to enter his heart and guide his life. Father...teach this man to be faithful beginning with you...to be respectful of others beginning with you and your Son! Father please in your loving kindness...save this man! In Jesus name...Amen!

Do you think my friend will reach out to me? We plan to hang out together as a group when a few of my friends come back to visit from another college--they used to attend and we wanted to invite him. I am backing off for the week and I know I didn't make that clear in my last reply--do you think he will reach out to me? It seems so silly to ask, but I really care about him and I really want to continue my friendship...I don't want to end it simply because of a mishap due to his immaturity--and perhaps a little of my own. I'm not angry...I don't want to ever seem like that in my responses. I just wonder--I hope that the Lord will touch him so he will--not so much to me, but so that I can still have an influence. I want him to see Jesus through me--I don't think he knows any other christians, besides his best friend, who is either a) backslidden or b) not saved. (not really my place to judge which) Would you pray for him not to fade away...maybe it's silly. I think I have always been afraid of that, but the Lord has shown me that he does care and that he is my friend, even in hard times like this. I just think I freak out and panic. I'm so afraid of losing him, but I guess I should remember that I haven't. The Lord has touched me for this man--I believe the Lord spoke to me about him before I met him (it's hard to explain--I'm not proclaiming that I was psychic or that I knew consciously... I added up the pieces of the puzzle afterwards.) Before I knew him, something told me strongly to pay attention to something on Kirk Cameron that was specifically speaking out against Mormonism and some of their wrong beliefs. It was almost striking...there were some other things, but that was the most relevent to me.