My name is Jordan and i was actually named after the Jordan river and my minister brought back some of the Jordan river and baptized me as a baby with it. I was blessed with a good family and my dad had a great job where my mom never had to work and he was able to provide for our family. Where my life went wrong is a few years ago i hit rock bottom emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally. I had a sever breakdown and got depressed so depressed I gave up on GOD, I still prayed to him but I didn’t have any faith that he would pull me out. I went to therapy and a councilor and even a Christian therapist and they all said the same thing that I bottle up everything and I worry about every little thing and I can never let anything go and every little thing bothered me. So I tried to change my attitude and I tried to trust and believe in GOD and I started to feel better about life however I honestly didn’t have any friends because I would push everyone I cared about away from me and I cannot stop. I have self sabotaged myself in my life from relationships, to friendships, GOD, and my wellbeing. I have asked my family and my pastor and myself to pray for forgiveness and for me to move on from this and have a happy life but it seems no matter what happens I go back to who I was and destroy myself in any way possible. I have wanted to change but who really knows maybe I don’t want to change I have no idea. Do you think that I am suppose to screw up? Am I suppose to not have a good life? I know I shouldn’t think like this but I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I am to my breaking point. It just seems that something evil has a hold on me and maybe comes back to when I had the severe depression and gave up on myself and GOD. I never said those words but I felt it in my heart. Do you believe in possession? I am not saying I think the devil is inside me but something is going on because every time I turn around to try and change myself for the better I destroy myself even worse and I hate it but I can’t stop. I have cried so many times because I want GOD to be my father and I prayed for forgiveness and I want to be better but I don’t know how. Do you think GOD is trying to teach me a lesson because of my massive depression?
And the fact that I pushed him away? I just don’t understand how to get away from this and start being positive and start living my life for GOD and through GOD. Please pray that GOD will surround me and that he will forgive me from the top of my head to the tip of my toes that he would wash away all the evil that is surrounding me and that I can move from this evil and I start to live my life for good and for myself , for my family ,friends and most important of all GOD. Please pray that I stop over thinking things and start living for now and have good friends and family to and a good church to surround me. Please GOD forgive me, surround me with your love. Help me to love you and give everything onto you and know that you are GOD and that you love me. Anything else that anyone wants to pray for me I would be grateful. Thank you so much for praying for me.