I've strayed from the Lord. It's been about 8 years. Part of me wants to get back to Him. Part of me fights against it. I'm lost. I don't even really know if I was ever really saved. My heart is hard and full of hate and sadness. Sometimes I cant even get out of bed. Id rather not exist. I'm lost. Where and HOW do I go from here.

Dear Guest, First please realize that you are now at the place where you are acknowledging your condition. God wants your honesty. He doesn't like games or denial. Get alone with Him and pour out your heart to Him. Tell Him exactly how you feel and ask Yeshua to forgive you and to really come into your life and take over. Tell Him you are now willing to really do it His way, not your way. Get an easy to read NLT Bible and spend every day reading it until you read clear through it, Genesis to Revelation. Then go back and do intensive Bible study and prayer time with the Lord for the rest of your life. Follow His commandments and do your life His way seeking to please Him, not man. Man cannot and will not help you, including church folk. You can have friendships and some good fellowship but you can't ever get your eyes on any man or woman or you will fall. God is a jealous God. Americans tend to worship Mega Church preachers and TV evangelists and this is why they fall. Don't make that mistake. Just keep your mind full of His Word and He will guide you and be with you. He will tell you what He wants you to do. We are truly living in the last days before His return and I know that His heart is rejoicing right now because you desire to return to Him. He loves you so------much! You will never regret loving and obeying Him. He is so good, kind and loving and if He corrects us, it is because He loves us too much to let us stay in our darkness. God bless you and keep you in perfect Shalom.

I highly recommend the book of psalms in the old testament which is full of prayers to God of repentance and they give you hope, and you can feel God's word talking to you. Remember God was the same in the old testament, new testament and now, so make the bible your daily spiritual vitamins, and talk to God for he hears you and he is a loving, and forgiving God.
Lord help this person to feel your love for them even while they are still sinners. May they turn their heart over to you, and allow you to guide their steps from now on. Give them your peace, and hope for a better tomorrow in you. I pray in Jesus mighty name amen.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Heavenly Father I pray as well for this dear and lost one. Lord meet them in this time of brokeness and show them that You long for them to return in true repentance and an honest contrite heart. Draw them to You Lord and restore the fellowship they once enjoyed. Touch their heart Lord and bring them back into the joy of fellowship with You Lord.

I pray this in Jesus precious and mighty name,

Amen

In Jesus Name I speak life and abundantly life over you. In Jesus Name I decree and declare you are more than conqueror through Jesus Christ. In Jesus Name I decree and declare you can do all things through Jesus Christ.
In Jesus Name I pray mercy, grace, favor over this person. In Jesus Name I decree and declare Psalms 118:25 and abundantly life over this person. In Jesus Name I decree and declare what is impossible with people is possible with God over this person.
In Jesus Name I decree and declare 1 John 3:8 b) over this person. In Jesus Name I decree and declare "The Son of God came to destroy the works of the devil" over this person. In Jesus Name I decree and declare Zechariah 4:7 against any mountain which is against this person.

Lord's children are called kings first in Revelation 1:6 KJV. Is important to use authority and office of the king in spiritual realm. Also according with Exodus 20:5 is important to be free from any legal right from any unclean spirit.
In Jesus Name I decree and declare Exodus 14:14 and Deuteronomy 28:6-8 and 1 Chronicles 4:10 and Psalms 1:3 and Psalms 5:12 and Psalms 18:29 and Psalms 18:39 and Psalms 23 and Psalms 91 and Psalms 103:3 and Psalms 107:20 and Psalms 118:17 and Psalms 121:2 and 1 Peter 2:24 and Isaiah 54:17 and Ephesians 3:20 and Romans 8:37 and Philippians 4:13 and Luke 18:27 and Jeremiah 29:11 and 2 Samuel 22:33 and John 16:24 and according with Lord's will over this person.
Thank You Lord