I have been with a young man named Jeffrey for over two years, we until very recently were gearing up for our wedding. We were the best of friends and loved each other dearly. In fact, I have never been closer and more honest to anyone in my life... the relationship was so, so solid and mutually so. We believed it to be God-ordained and had a good spiritual foundation for a duration of the relationship, of course because we are not perfect it was not always so, but we did try. Nonetheless, we got engaged over a year ago and were working towards a wedding this summer. I know God put Jeffrey in my life for a tremendous reason, and I believed that God had him there as my future husband. There was not a doubt between the both of us either any sort of separation would ever happen. However, after a tragedy I have had to take a huge step backwards and question everything...
Though we were very close and committed to each other, there remained one big obstacle: Jeffrey's family, especially his single and divorced mom. Not only did she attempt to shelter her 20-year-old son and control him profusely, she simply did not like me. I think it is because Jeffrey's mother was a high-classed (divorce) lawyer, and I come from a lower middle-classed family.
But to talk about controlling, Jeffrey's mother always called me manipulating and also controlling from the very beginning. I think it is because Jeffrey never really stood up for himself and that usually ended up making me look like the bad guy because I "tell it how it is". Also, she judged me and my appearance: I am an artist, and I wear a lot of purple and I have purple hair. She went out of her way many times to try and break us apart, and now with her last attempt I think she feels snug with herself...
I know Jeffrey's frustration with his family was genuine, though; he always stated how much he disliked his family's superficial and affluent lifestyle. He wanted to branch out and become his own person. However, I think part of the reason he didn't is because his mother provided a comforting "financial safety net" and held things over his head like his car and college. Another reason I believe Jeffrey didn't really stand up to his mother is because he disliked confrontation and lacked the confidence to speak his mind to her.
However, a week ago Jeffrey's mom and whole family came uninvited with a U-Haul truck to Jeffrey's apartment and began packing up his things to move him back to her house. I was absolutely livid, because that was completely uncalled for. But what hurt me the most is that Jeffrey did nothing about it... he just helped them. The situation got really nasty with his family and there was a lot of screaming and shouting,. I couldn't stand for Jeffrey's spinelessness and, being upset, told him he had to choose between his mom or I. He told me through tear-filled eyes, "I'm sorry, I'm just not strong enough..." it was just a very emotional and bitter situation between me, Jeffrey's family and his mom. Jeffrey never did anything as to defend me from his family or defend himself.
I had to quit my job that night, move out of my entire apartment and go home with my parents. The following days were unbearable; I haven't heard from him in two days, when he finally called. Though I envisioned because of this situation things be difficult and different, I never imagined the most painful, dreadful words I would ever hear, and that was Jeffrey coldly saying: "It's over".
Now the situation has evolved into a bitter brawl. Our friends and families are turning against each other, and Jeffrey has to this day been refusing to see me in person to settle this, since he broke it over on the phone. And when I ask if we could meet in person to talk about this, he says "there's nothing else to discuss, I have made my decision" and says he was never happy and other untrue things about me as well (he actually sounds a lot like his mother). Now Jeffrey has been demanding the engagement and wedding rings, or a check... it is completely unlike himself to say that, especially since earlier on we had an agreement that I would always keep them no matter what.
It is like Jeffrey, in two days, has completely re-wired himself and become a cold and hateful person. I can't really describe my pain, only that I feel as if some precious, living thing has been brutally murdered in front of my eyes... I've been brought to my knees and begging God why this has happened. Jeffrey all the sudden wants to move on and I'm just standing here wondering why, why??
I have never been so lost, confused and hurt in my life... I keep wondering how such a wonderful relationship Jeffrey and I had would turn out like this... why he has done this to me, how out of character he is...
Please pray for this situation, and for Jeffrey: he needs God so bad right now. I won't say that Jeffrey made the wrong decision on breaking up with me because ultimately, I cannot decide that myself, but, I still feel like there is some injustice, and that his decision was wrong in the way it was handled at least... I just want God to lead him the right way, wherever that may be. I still love him, and he said he still loved me, but for some reason he feels like he needs to end everything. I just don't know what to think or believe...
Thank you for reading. Support and prayers VERY much needed. God bless.
Father, grieving is hard work, it takes time & there are many emotions involed; we forgive because we know You Are The Author of this life, that all works to Your Glory.