Why do you stay? because you love.
& it was till death do you part!
I think/what I hear & read, that marriage is tough. No matter the marriage, the law of averages, you put two people together, that are different, under the same roof for years, plus add a child or 2 or more, & work, social life, church (for some), friends, couple friends & ind friendships, & it is a complicated melding pot!!! Not to mention that men & women are very different by nature!
I pray that JESUS Stays Close in your heart, that you realize how honorable & to God it is to stay, to keep your commitment.
I also disagree with the idea to, "leave," at the drop of a hat during abuse & I most certainly believe that people should seek help when there is abuse, to get counseling/ counsel, from church, professionals.. it is serious.. but most marriages I know there are some forms of what the other would call abuse! Definitely I am not promoting abuse! Or to stay if things are dangerous to you or family (speaking about marriage in general here).. It's just that marriage IS complicated.
Most I know that are married or were married can laugh much about the ridiculousness of things many times, it is comical! The differences of opinions.. etc.
When I was married & I knew my husband (now ex) was ready leave (I could sense this ahead of time/ he would be restless, his spirit),
I would pray & pray & pray, so hard.. I know you do this now, you say you do, I believe you. I did learn that men are very different & some men are moreso, men vary of course by nature & temprament.
But, overall, they work on a y chromosone that causes them to be more agressive at times, they do not talk as much (because of the y chromsone, this is biological), they need to feel accomplished by work/career where a woman's need come from feeling loved & fullfilled moreso at home. Testosterone levels too make a difference in a man's nature. If they are high, he can come across as very agressive, & in some cases there are links to domestic violence with this.. A lot is biological in nature/ remember Adam & Eve & the fall, these differences, tensions, etc., began & were said, according to The Word, but God Hates Divorce!
What I found most helpful is to have friendships, for women, your female friends to chat with/ for men their men friends.. it is that security knowing your spouse is not going to leave, no matter what.. then doing whatever takes to have the connections one needs.
For men, what I have seen over & over is that they get their identity often from their work, where women it is moreso from marriage & family.. of course there are many women that work, we have our passions, our talents, not just marriage & family, but feeling loved, needed & to be able to nurture is important. It's just that after the fall, it is a lot more complicated.
I used to laugh at the differences of my now ex & myself.
I loved him so very much, & I am glad I married him. We were very opposite. That was the beauty & the difficulty of it.
What do I miss most about being married (well not most but much)?
is that laughing at how different we were, sharing with others, not only about how much I loved him/ but that oh my gosh...
how does one deal with this/ men/ the testosterone, the flaring of a temper, the silence at times... all men are different. But they are also much alike, in their own ways.. They've got to have that work identity, I have not met a man yet that was really, "happy," being at home, not working. Women, they usually can adjust, find things to do, make friendships socially, keep up the house & be happy. But a man is different!
I believe, it will not be till Heaven that we fully grasp the differences in our natures, men & women, & it IS IN JESUS, as you say, that bond, that is most important! He IS OUR SPOUSE & that is for a reason. There was the fall of man, Adam & Eve, then it is said there will be troubles, & laboring day & night, etc.. there will be pain (childbirth), heartache, etc.. well it's true. When Jesus' Came, & is here for us, & in The Holy Spirit, we each have a relationship with HIM, there are many times, He IS OUR SPOUSE!!!
Dear Lord, I pray for this marriage, that this woman finds rest, happiness, in her marriage, that she is appreciated, help her to find out how to make all this come together, that it be more peaceful for her. There is no perfect, she knows this, she is not looking for perfection, but trying to understand how to meet he needs of her family, to love, nurture, feel the love she needs, with the stability.
Help her Lord, to continue to feel YOUR LOVE & PEACE, & when she is frustrated, to find a few women friends to hang with, laugh with, & know that it is not until YOUR RETURN, that all will work out, just right, & in HEAVEN. Heal this family, JESUS, help her husband feel good about himself at his work, whatever that is Lord, YOUR WILL,
& that when he is at home, he relaxes, that he can be, not just a provider, but a friend, Lord, as YOU ARE, the kindness, & compassion.
They say it's very important to do different things together, new scenery, take a vacation, etc., to keep the spark alive. Lord, provide the breaks they need, to date, to renew their love & bonding, that they see how wonderful this is, there is no perfect Lord but for YOU, YOU ARE GOD. God Bless you!!! I will pray for you!
Guest Wrote:I had hoped for a marriage full of love and tenderness, but I don't get that from my husband even though I've told him many times over what I need. Sometimes his sarcasm hurts my feelings and he thinks I'm being ridiculous and should see things the way he does. I also get tired of being talked into purchases we can't afford when he knows I need financial security in my life. But he thinks more of what he wants than what I need to feel stable. Now he is going to become a volunteer police officer, and I'm against this but my opinion doesn't matter...only the fulfillment if his lifelong dream. Plus he has convinced himself that I'm supportive of this. But I can't say anything now or it starts world war 3!
I am trying to be supportive and just let hm do what he wants to do, but on the inside I feel scared and hopeless. I worry he will get killed, or quit his regular job to do this full time, or will never be home so he can hang out with the cops the way my friend's husband was expected to do but didn't and he got canned for it! My husband would definitely choose hanging out with the guys over being with his family if his police work were in danger, and he'd tell me that I'd just have to "understand," as usual. Sometimes I get tired of understanding and playing second fiddle to what he wants. But then I feel guilty and think I should just feel grateful for what I have and just accept it. At least I have my own career, a wonderful child, a roof over my head, and food on the table. That should be enough...why do I need attention from my husband? He does give me attention when he wants sex, of course. And that's another story.
I am so confused!
But Jesus...my Savior.,.if I didn't have Him to hold me and listen to me cry myself to sleep night after night then I would be so lost. Jesus has never let me down, ever! He healed me of breast cancer 8 years ago after doctors said I would die in a year! Jesus was with me through all if my life struggles. I cannot wait until He returns and I can see His glorious face and worship Him in person! He is my best friend forever! Thank you, Jesus, for being by my side always. I would die without You!
