Dear God,
Thoughts of giving up are filling my head again. Dying seems more
Reasonable than living everyday Broken. I could share these thoughts with
people and all they would want to do is stop me from following through
yet offer nothing on how to end the pain of Feeling Broken as a Person
and less than as a Man.

You gave us this life to live without an instruction manual. Maybe you wish us to
rely on others for their experience, yet they do not offer Hope for a better
day than the last. We have instincts that we listen to yet Road Blocks stop us
Humans from progressing. I won’t place blame on this set of people or that set
of persons. Roadblocks that seem insurmountable, hurdles that at every
turn block any forward movement.

You have put a wonderful woman in my life who I adore and love. I keep my baggage
separated and we get along well. We spend quality time together and share times
of non-drama. We also help each other get through our most difficult times.
Asking her for money is not an option or solution as she spends way to much
on me as it is.

I cannot find a job. I cannot generate income. I have great talent and skill
in problem solving software and hardware issues on the computer, yet
I’m unable to find a job in this field. Is this a sign that I should be doing
something else? If so, could you be a little more clear and point me in the way
you would have me go? I am willing to follow your lead if you would guide me...

Maybe I’m not listening? I meditate. I quiet my mind. I pray and ask for help...
I often give you all my problems because that’s what I was taught to do.
I’ve given up drugs altogether as I cannot afford them and they do not
release as they once did. I don’t drink. My only vice seems to be living on the
Internet, information overload at times.

Today, I volunteer my time to a nonprofit org to keep busy and get out of myself.
It is a wonderful place, the work atmosphere is amazing and I would love to be employed there.
Sure, I have dreams of winning the lottery, of sharing my winnings with my family and friends.
I grew up thinking that wishes are Dreams not worked for. I believe today
that Dreams are the same, you can work for them to see no output. I just
went bankrupt, gave back a car I can no longer afford and now life off my Aunt.
They say money can’t buy happiness, I say that lack of money can’t either.

Talk to me, share with me what I should do, Help me along this Path.
Put a guide in my path, who can offer directions. But please don’t be a stranger.
I often ask to hear from you as I once did when I was younger. I love you too.

That does not take away the feeling of giving up. Dear God, I really don’t
know what I want or need. I know I need your help to guide me away from
the edge. I know I’m afraid and yet have faith in you or I wouldn’t be writing this.

If I’m to live in poverty, Fine. But give me purpose and allow me to survive
not on someone else’s back. Help me to feel not Broken but whole.
Help me to contribute financially to my future or at least to a daily living.
Goals allot of people seem to achieve yet i cannot.

If time doesn’t exist and there are infinite possibilities to every moment, please
help me find mine and point the direction to go as my choices have failed me.
Help and Guide me, direct me on your path.
I ask for help finding a job. Amen