My dear friends, I've been away from God for a long time and I dont know how to find my way back. I know it's supposed to be as easy as just surrendering and turning back but it doesn't seem to be working. My life is a mess and I have nobody to blame but myself. Asking for help now seems ridiculous but I really dont know what else to do.

I made a series of bad choices and I lost everything. I cheated on my husband and he left me. It took me far too long to repent. We're still married legally but he's long gone. We're not in contact. I dont know where he is. But I miss him. I dont just miss him b/c the "other man" broke my heart... I miss him b/c I realize how i made him feel (betrayed), what kind of man he really is (he may not have been an attentive husband but he wasn't a bad man) and what i lost (a really good friend). I was stupid; I wish I could go back and choose differently.

So this is my life now... a lot of regret, a heart that hurts from having been betrayed and from being the one who also caused hurt. I feel like my life is over. Like it's ruined and there's no hope. I can't stand it anymore. I dont want to live like this. Some days... I dont want to even live. I know it's not the right thing to say but I feel like the world would be better off if I were gone & then I'd be with God.

Anyways, I'm hoping that someone out there knows how to pray b/c I just dont know what's ok to ask for or what's the right things or anything anymore.

thank you for letting me lean on your faith.