Sister, I pray that The Lord heals you, heals your heart, your past hurts and blesses all of your relationships and Marriage. The Lord tells us to love our neighbor the way we love ourselves! There is nothing wrong with you wanting your pain to end, nothing is selfish about that. if anything it's the enemy making you feel guilty for wanting to be healed. The Lord wants you to be well, you to be happy, you to be ok, you have to know that He wants us to cry to HIM. Our Savior was not being selfish when He prayed to Our Father in tears before His Passion, He was showing us that is what we are supposed to do and I know you cry to HIM but don't feel bad about it. Don't feel guilty. We all need Jesus and to be healed from something. He wants us to need Him and He wants you to be well. All of your prayers are being answered. You are loved. Just know that and stop beating yourself up, you are amazing and made in His Image and Likeness. The Lord doesn't want us to be prideful, true, but you aren't prideful, you just want to be well. Nothing is sinful about that. Please let us know when your prayers are answered. All is well says The Lord.