Paula you are alive, have two feet, two hands, two eyes that see and help you to get around. An education, you can talk, you can write, read, and drive, plus you have a job, a car, and a house, when others don't have half of these things. So stop being so ungrateful for what you already have before you really lose it all. Your life is not crappy Paula, you are blessed. Start thanking God for what you already have, and look at life with a new attitude. By thinking negative you bring only negativism your way, and with it depression. You are the only one that can change your life around with God's help when you surrender it all to Him. Sometimes we are where we are because of sin, or the wrong choices we have made in life, or because we are too lazy to move and start all over again, not because God is punishing us. Remember He is Love and He is always ready to give us a helping hand, but we have to get up and do the work in faith, for he is not a welfare service or a Christmas tree. I give you this advice in Love for someone has to tell you the truth, like they did to me years ago when I was in a similar situation as yours, but too blinded by satan to think straight.
Lord help Paula to be thankful and not dwell in the negative or what could had been, because by doing so she makes herself depressed, and can't see how much you love her, and have already blessed her. Continue to do your perfect will in her life as she opens herself to your love and blessings. Bring a reconciliation between her and her children when she is ready to be the Mom you intended her to be to them. May she always remember it is by your might and your timing and not hers. I pray this in Jesus name, amen.