Today is my 20th birthday... I hope I have a good day despite the harsh winds coming by... I hope to have a good birthday today.

Also... tomorrow marks a de-anniversary to me... April 6th... it would be one year since my ex broke up with me... one long and lonely year... I am still hurt and heartbroken... yet even though I do have a crush on a guy at my college and at least try to date him so I will not feel lonely and lovesick... I still want my ex to be my husband someday in this lifetime... I mean... since he's dating someone now... and I have faith he will come back soon... I can still date someone (or at least try to get with him...) and still have faith right? ...Right? ...I just don't want to be lonely... I feel lonely without having someone to date or love... I'm lovesick... I still have faith that my ex will come back... but... I just don't want to be lonely... he's dating someone who I call my former best friend... and I think he's happier without me... I mean I'm glad he's happy and all but... I miss him... a lot... I do have a crush on a guy in college though... he's funny, he's intelligent and not to mention very attractive. I mean... I can date and still have faith right? I can have my crushes/try to date him or be with him and still have faith in the meantime right...? He doesn't know I have a crush on him but I'm planning on telling him before it could be too late... I might not have a chance with him anyway... but I can try right...? I doubt that he likes me in that way... but I can try right? And still have faith on my year long prayer right...? *sigh* I dunno.

I hope you all are doing well. Not much changed here. But I'm 20 now, if that's a "change" so to speak. Thank God for 20 years of living. Amen.

~Mel-S