A long time ago, I overdosed on two months' worth of anti-depressants and sleeping pills. I bounced back but now, years later, my girlfriend left me. We were about to get married and I am so confused with why she left all of a sudden. I've moved out into a friend's house. The other day I came across his gun in a drawer and I'm feeling very tempted. A life without my love is not a life I wish to be in. I want to hold off on self slaughter. I pray for reconciliation with my ex or, if not that, a merciful death from God so that I do not have to kill myself. I believe she is on a weekend trip with another man and my heart is breaking. I know exactly where the gun is at and am worried whether my fears of her and someone else are justified. If they are, I am unwilling to keep going.