I greatly appreciate your replies, the idea that you would take time to read my post and say a prayer for me says alot about you and your character. I know of the verses you are refering to and have clung to them with all my might. My problem lately is that reading them, or other promises about provision from the bible (along with hearing/reading testimonies from others) hurt more than it helps. Its kind of like being invited to a dinner; You are promised this dinner where you and others can sit and enjoy this meal that you have been dying to eat. You are told of what type of food will be served, what type of beverages, how great dessert will be. You fight with all your might and do whatever it takes to get there only to be told to stand outside and watch others through the window enjoy the dinner. At first you are envious of those enjoying the meal, but soon its turns to sadness and undescribable hurt because all along the way to that dinner you put all your trust and hope into the one serving it.