I am a frequent visitor, and I have made 2 prayer requests on here in my life. I want to share my issue, and I hope to hear some encouragement, if possible.
The Lord blessed me when I didn't deserve to be blessed, years ago. I met a woman that needed Christ in her life and I was bringing her to him, I attended church, I had a decent little job, I wrote a poetry book, and I was attending school. I knew of God, but I didn't know of the Lord!! if that makes sense. I had a worldly life, and I can honestly say that I was proud and arrogant. God let it slide for years.
*I wanted to marry my beloved, but I had several women that I fornicated with, and did despicable acts with, because I didn't think I was supposed to "Love her" because I listened to other people, tell me that I needed Beyonce/Alicia Keyes/ Pamela Anderson women.
*I was a poor employee, because I thought that I was "too good"
*My friends were carnally based heathens.
*My poetry book was published, but it focused more on Street/Sexual/secular based images
*I attended church, but I was there in the physical, not so much in the spiritual.
Years went by, and out of the blue, My beloved left me, and moved to New Jersey. I left a job as a counselor, because the counselors and the school covered up abuse toward children, and I reported them.
It was during the sadness of loneliness that I began to look at my life, and realize that God had plans for me that I didn't pay attention to.
My beloved was looking toward me as a representation of Christ, as a christian.. and I did the complete opposite. My life was supposed to be about Christ, but I didn't follow him. I just realized that I messed up.
Well in July, I began to pray to the Lord, and I asked God to simply help me. I didn't know what it meant, just help!
Days went by, and I started buying books on improving my Christian walk, and I came home to my lonely apartment, and fell across my bed, with the TV on something really stupid, Wayne's World or some stupid movie, but I closed my eyes and I heard someone whisper in my ear, "
I'LL BRING HER BACK, NOT YOU, YOU CAN'T BRING HER BACK, I CAN. SO DON'T DO ANYTHING. JUST FOLLOW ME, AND OBEY ME"
I opened my eyes immediately, and I started this path, since then.
At first I thought the point of him speaking was to bring her back, but as time went by, I understood, his reasoning was to bring me back to him. She would just be a tool, or a part of his goodness to me. I commited to him..
-No Alcohol
-No Pornography
-No Sex
-Following him and Obeying him in all facets of my life
-I've lost my friends of my former lifestyle, they mock me, and laugh at me, because I love God.
-I've stopped trying to wrestle with God, and I committed to being reconciled with Jesus, and allowing Jesus to work with my beloved.
-I've become a tither, and a sacrificer
He has given me the following interesting openings
-I started paying attention in church and volunteered to work in Youth Ministry, and the director made me the Communication Leader and 2nd in Charge, I didn't ask for this!
-I lost my last job, a week before Christmas, and I have been receiving interest from the job that I had a poor work performance, I had been crying in prayer for help.
I had been thinking for a while, that I needed to use my talent for writing to write a book about this entire ordeal. AFTER, his promises manifest, and I can show people that I have been delivered, and changed. But something in my spirit said, "WHY WAIT?"
And I started to wonder, if I truly have faith in the Lord... I must write this book to glorify him, and reach someone else.. So I sat and wrote in my prayer journal.....
"I'm scared Lord.. I'm afraid to write this book because I don't know if I am doing what you want me to do."
I opened my Bible, and it lead me to Psalm 27:1
The lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
So I knew that I had to write this book...
I questioned God again, how can I write this book without the ending? The promises have not manifested in my life..
I am unemployed, my beloved isn't brought back, yet... Am I supposed to just write the ending as this?
I didn't particularly search for this scripture or google it, or do anything. I honestly flipped through the Bible indiscriminately, and I saw " The Just Live By Faith" and I looked directly down at
Habakkuk 2:2
So I wrote until my hands began to hurt, I have filled 2 Notebooks with Over 8 Chapters of the book that I have written.. But I don't have the final chapter that God told me to wait for.. and I am worried..
He prompted me to write this book, yet I have no ending, and cannot publish this book without it. I have no job to pay for publishing..
His story is so wonderful, yet it would be tragic not to be able to explain:
How God is a God that Restores and gives 2nd chances
My 2nd chance with a possible job
My 2nd chance with a new possible book
my 2nd chance with the church
my 2nd chance with my ex
What would you do? and do you have any encouragement?
"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the Goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!" Psalm 27:13-14
