Guest Wrote:

Mel-S Wrote:It's been a while since I posted here... my progress: nothing's changed to things are getting worse...

Mom hasn't done well to quit smoking. In fact, she's back to usual smoking habits. Yesterday she had to go to the hospital for chest pains. (Not her heart thankfully). Everything came out okay on the X-rays and EKGs, but she didn't want to stay in the hospital for a 'stress test' because she thinks me and dad cannot take care of ourselves without her around... and as soon as she gets back from the hospital, the first thing she does: SMOKE A CIGARETTE. Her breathing tests came out as shallow as my dad told me but my mom denied it. So nothing really changed there (in fact it got back to where it was... )

Dad had to go to the hospital again a week ago for his pacemaker firing off and he had emergency surgery because a wire from the OLD pacemaker (they had to keep the old wire inside of him because of the tissue growing around it for having the pacemaker on for about 5 years) had burned out and they had to put in a new wire inside of him. He had to be in ICU for that week... He's okay now though, but I still fear for his health... he has anxiety and gets worked up over every little thing and that's what make his heart beat too fast or too slow to cause it to fire off...

Me and my (ex)boyfriend still talk but nothing's changed yet there either... poor thing has had the hiccups for 4 days and he still doesn't know when he gets to be on leave to come home to MD and see his family and me... I miss him so much... and yes, i still want him to be my future husband no doubt. I keep getting visions and dreams of us being together again... it's just God is just working so painfully slow these days it's like nothing will change anytime soon... but my faith is still there... I hope.

I haven't been focusing well in school from all of this stress. Our finances isn't going well... I've been sick for 3 days now and... I think I found a lump on the right side near my right breast. Note I'm 19 years old and I found this. I wanted to get it checked today, but I didn't feel like moving... I feel drained out and dizzy. I gained 2 lbs from working out but thanks to the stress I lost it again... now I have to start from scratch again... Also my job may be shutting down due to losing some business and not that much money is being made and everyone including myself might be getting laid off because of it... People's work days have been getting cut also because of hardly no money being put up for the payroll and I might have to look for another job if no money is being made soon...

Everything is getting worse in my life right now... and the more I pray the more things keep getting worse day by day by freaking day... My dreams are still big... my prayers are still steadfast... yet my hope and faith is very very slowly starting to die on me and I don't want it to. Please... I need prayer... I really need it... I feel as if God is being so silent... yet I try to hear His voice... yet nothing comes out of it... Why is He being so silent...? Why doesn't He see that I'm hurting...? My life is crashing... Our health isn't well either... He is with us, yet not "with" us, so to speak... I need miracles... and I really need these things now. Please pray for me... I'm hurt... I'm sick... I'm crying... I'm weak. I cried for God's help yet He won't answer me... I still have these dreams and prayers and wants and needs in my heart always, yet nothing big seems to be done... I need prayers... for everything... please help us. And thanks.

Dear Mel,

I'm not trying to be critical of you, so please do not take it that way. The Lord is trying to shape you for something. These pressures that continue to build on are to test your faith and they are to also grow and shape you. I know what it's like. I don't know if you remember me, but I was looking for restoration of a relationship and salvation of my friend. However, the Lord has shaped me and I finally realized something--my dad and I got in an argument when I was upset about the relationship and he said, "He's moved on! Why haven't you?" I thought to myself, "Why hadn't I?" This person got a girlfriend and has blown me off as his friend at times. However, in this I realized if I didn't move on I wouldn't be happy--it was my only option. I know the fear that you have. You're afraid of not finding the one--he has to be the one, because if he's not then that means that you have to go looking. However, what I found from letting go is that I was delusional about the man I was in love with. He is totally immature and I see why the Lord did not bring him into my life to be my husband--he is so immature that he could not serve as good father or husband to me (or anyone really). I look forward to finding the man who will treat me as I should be treated. Maybe that would help you--I thought I would be devestated when I let go and I think that's why I fought it for so long. But, when I let go--I had sweet relief. I felt a peace and joy that I hadn't had for months!

I think you are a lot like me--you miss feeling the way you used to with him--feeling like a treasure, feeling valued, made important. The thing is, the Lord has someone out there for you who can better perform this job--I know that for me. He's shown me the answers to questions I could not see before. Let go--and I can guarantee that while you will hurt and you will be in a type of mourning--the Lord will restore your joy. Just ask him to.

I know that I haven't addressed the other issues in your life. I believe the Lord is trying to work something great in all of your lives...you just have to trust him and while you say you do--I think that it's a difficult thing. Just continue to reach out to Him--maybe things are going wrong because you are not in His will. If you let go of your ex, maybe then the Lord will bring in the person you are supposed to be with. If your mom stops smoking, He can restore her health. Just remember, all you can do is pray for guidance.

I hope that I've been a help to you in sharing my story. Please don't take offense--I come in love and compassion, not critisim. May the Lord bless you in His will and my you find what He has for you.

Sincerely,

Lost Love

I've tried to let go but I just can't. I keep getting visions of me and him being together again and I have seen God in one of them, telling me to not give up and have faith in Him for Him to work something for me and my ex again. So when it comes to letting go of my ex, I can't right now.

All of these things cannot just happen over an exboyfriend. To me that's just crazy to me. An exboyfriend doesn't have control of my mom's smoking habits or my dad's health problems or even our family finances. That's a personal prayer I've been praying for almost 7 months and God is working slowly to bring us together (I can feel it) it's just everything else is crashing down on me to the point to where I have nothing now... I understand and I'm sorry you and your exboyfriend did not get back together... but my dad didn't tell me to move on. Neither did my mom. They all tell me the same thing: Follow what's in your own heart and not to follow on what anyone else says, whether it's by their experiences or opinions... please do not take it critical, but I can't just follow anyone else's opinions right now... because my heart is still steadfast on where my dreams follow. I hope things go well for you though.