It's been a while since I posted here... my progress: nothing's changed to things are getting worse...
Mom hasn't done well to quit smoking. In fact, she's back to usual smoking habits. Yesterday she had to go to the hospital for chest pains. (Not her heart thankfully). Everything came out okay on the X-rays and EKGs, but she didn't want to stay in the hospital for a 'stress test' because she thinks me and dad cannot take care of ourselves without her around... and as soon as she gets back from the hospital, the first thing she does: SMOKE A CIGARETTE. Her breathing tests came out as shallow as my dad told me but my mom denied it. So nothing really changed there (in fact it got back to where it was...
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Dad had to go to the hospital again a week ago for his pacemaker firing off and he had emergency surgery because a wire from the OLD pacemaker (they had to keep the old wire inside of him because of the tissue growing around it for having the pacemaker on for about 5 years) had burned out and they had to put in a new wire inside of him. He had to be in ICU for that week... He's okay now though, but I still fear for his health... he has anxiety and gets worked up over every little thing and that's what make his heart beat too fast or too slow to cause it to fire off...
Me and my (ex)boyfriend still talk but nothing's changed yet there either... poor thing has had the hiccups for 4 days and he still doesn't know when he gets to be on leave to come home to MD and see his family and me... I miss him so much... and yes, i still want him to be my future husband no doubt. I keep getting visions and dreams of us being together again... it's just God is just working so painfully slow these days it's like nothing will change anytime soon... but my faith is still there... I hope.
I haven't been focusing well in school from all of this stress. Our finances isn't going well... I've been sick for 3 days now and... I think I found a lump on the right side near my right breast. Note I'm 19 years old and I found this. I wanted to get it checked today, but I didn't feel like moving... I feel drained out and dizzy. I gained 2 lbs from working out but thanks to the stress I lost it again... now I have to start from scratch again... Also my job may be shutting down due to losing some business and not that much money is being made and everyone including myself might be getting laid off because of it... People's work days have been getting cut also because of hardly no money being put up for the payroll and I might have to look for another job if no money is being made soon...
Everything is getting worse in my life right now... and the more I pray the more things keep getting worse day by day by freaking day... My dreams are still big... my prayers are still steadfast... yet my hope and faith is very very slowly starting to die on me and I don't want it to. Please... I need prayer... I really need it... I feel as if God is being so silent... yet I try to hear His voice... yet nothing comes out of it... Why is He being so silent...? Why doesn't He see that I'm hurting...? My life is crashing... Our health isn't well either... He is with us, yet not "with" us, so to speak... I need miracles... and I really need these things now. Please pray for me... I'm hurt... I'm sick... I'm crying... I'm weak. I cried for God's help yet He won't answer me... I still have these dreams and prayers and wants and needs in my heart always, yet nothing big seems to be done... I need prayers... for everything... please help us. And thanks.
