adoring1 Wrote:Okay...as my daddy used to say...this is where the rubber meets the road...I firmly believe that you need to back off of this young man for a time PERIOD. While I may be a little blunt...I do so in love that you might clearly look at some things about this circumstance. Your feelings are far more involved than they should be with his current situation...and even though you say to me...and also to yourself you have accepted that this is just friendship...which you may have done in your head...you have not in your heart is what I discern. Believe it or not, I say this not for only that reason, but because of the way that he is treating you. He is using you as a distraction...(my brother used to do this with many of his female friends) . I say that because in your previous post you said something about him having a good time after he bailed on you today ...which I took to mean he had made other plans...and didn't even bother to tell you until you were trying to find out where you would meet. That is disrespectful of you and frankly unacceptable for anyone. You do not have to be a girlfriend to be treated with greater respect than that! The message that he is sending is he will hang out with you unless he finds something that he feels is more interesting or better to do. By apologizing to him...you are conditioning him to believe that this is okay behavior...and simply put it is not. He should be apologizing to you for being so selfish and inconsiderate. Further...if you were not angry you should have been...as this was extremely unkind. Being angry is NOT a sin. Acting in a heartless way because of anger is. Sweet girl...this man knows you like him (more than just a friend)...and he is using that to his advantage and being rude and inconsiderate. As a daughter of Christ you deserve better from ANYONE including a friend. Do I think he will reach out to you?...Yes when he is not busy doing something else with someone else...and I hope at some point that this will become very unattractive to you! You cannot lose something you do not have...and you do not have the same level of commitment from him as a friend...as you are giving to him!

I am not led by the Holy Spirit to pray that he does not fade away...because I do not think that this is healthy for you to be dealing with in this manner...but I will not pray for him TO go away either. That is up to God...and I believe that God is trying to grow you up a bit when it comes to men through this experience. I pray that the will of God be done in this situation. God will raise up whomever he wishes to witness to this young man...even if he does not know other Christians that you are aware of...and I truly believe that your feelings for him despite your willingness to witness are creating a potential for a great deal of hurt in your life...even though it is not what he means to do. Let us leave it in God's hands who he will use to lead him to the Lord. Let's pray...

Father, you know what you put into my heart about this circumstance...and you know what is really in this sweet girl's heart. You also know what conduct is acceptable among people in general as well as those in Christ. I ask that you have your perfect will in this situation...and that whatever it might be...you prepare this young woman's heart for it and give her a resolve to not accept such poor behavior from ANYONE. Help her to learn to respond without anger...but also in a very candid manner. Saying something to the effect that I really feel that it is quite disrespectful to notify me of your change in plans like this at the last minute and I request that you do not continue to do so in the future...is the kind of thing I mean. Father show this woman what this man is really like...not through the filter of her feelings but under the light of what is good and true. Let her remember that to have a friend one has to be one and this kind of behavior says that this man's friendship is only on his terms even if it is hurtful to her. Whatever your will Father please do it...but as you do...open the eyes of this young woman that she might grow from the experience and set higher standards for herself than what she is currently experiencing in this friendship. In Jesus name...Amen!

I understand why you say the things you have. I apologized, because he had mentioned going hunting earlier in the week and I forgot about it and I think so did he while we were making plans...it was still wrong though. I think when I was trying to make plans he should have said something--should have reminded me. I try not to let this bother me, because miscommunications happen all the time--but, I thank you for what you have said. I appreciate the things you have said, because I know that you have given them in love. I got the sense that you had the impression, however, that my friend doesn't care or that he is simply a user--and, in spite of my feelings, when I was going over it logically I do not see that. He has done specific things to show he cares, but I agree, he is not as invested as I am. He notices when I'm gone or if I've been away for a while, but then he doesn't initiate...I don't know if that's his personality, or if his thumb is broken (lol) where he can't text me (I'm being absurd of coarse and only joking)--regardless, I still want to be his friend and I've been trying to stand up for myself, even if I did not do so in this particular incident.

I just don't want you to think he's a bad person. He really does have good qualities, he's a decent man--I just think he has a lot of maturing to do and that he is inconsiderate and selfish at times (I think we all are). Perhaps backing off for a time will show him changes he needs to make. I don't know--I'm not all that important in the matter.

I listened to a message today in church that showed how the Lord is supposed to be the one who wins people to Christ--not us. I know that I've been told that more than once, but it really struck me today. I thank you for your time and consideration and for the things you have said, even if we didn't completely agree. I know that we still agree, my friend needs to grow-up...a lot. We agree he needs the Lord--who can not only bring him the salvation he needs, but also the maturity he needs for not only life, but for the rest of eternity.

I hope that I haven't been offensive. I really do appreciate your time and I know that I am probably not the easiest person to talk to sometimes, but I do thank you for your prayers in this matter. Hopefully everything will come out well in the end--I would like to be out of this storm soon.