I have tumors in my nasal cavity. I can't afford to fix this. It is hard for me to sleep cause of the tumors. I have a terrible job. No benefits. Near minimum wage. Long hours. I have a four degree and I can't find anything in my field. I do not care for my life.

I don't understand prayer or God. It feels almost pointless except for the smallest things and even then I end up wondering if God did anything at all. Many things I have prayed about for many years, have not come to pass. And I am left wondering. Where is the fruit? If a tree does not bare fruit then it will be thrown into the fire. Prayer is a tree that does not bare fruit for me. Maybe I should just stop praying.

I'd rather have the visible angry wrathful God than the one that seems apathetic and invisible.