Adoring1, I forgive you.

But this is to have me decide one thing for now: I am not going to post any more requests/posts/threads for a good period of time. Simply because of this. If I open my heart out to my life and opinions, I leave it vulnerable for all to see... and yet get scolded for it. I do forgive you guys if your hearts are convicted like adoring1's, but the pain still resides as I never thought even Christians would give out this much verbal abuse... and I've been through verbal abuse for a long time, even now, clearly... Elementary school, Middle school, high school, college, my job, and even here on the internet; it never goes away. And to think once I actually can be myself for once... and this is why I'm more of a reserved person... I never liked speaking out my heart on things... and this shows why I was clearly scared to even post prayers on here in the first place because as you can clearly see, most of you would think they're selfish or wrong. This clearly happens to me every day... And now I will reserve myself to posting anything else anymore. THIS isn't a selfish decision... because I am still going to pray for you guys, but more in secret instead of posting it out. This isn't a selfish decision because I am going through this daily... verbal abuse to no end, even other people's friends who do not even know me post cruel things about me without even knowing me in real life... it's painful. Even I forgive, the pain still will not fade until I have made a decision similar to this... And I believe this is best for me for the moment. This why I have low self-esteem... and this is why I rather be a reserved person than an outgoing, speaking out type of one... because this seems to follow me around to no end... no matter how many times I pray for it... the abuse from the mouth (or hands in this case) always seem to come down on me daily... and I'm tired of it. 13 years of this... from a small girl, getting teased and picked, to a young woman getting bashed about praying on or speaking on what she believes is right... every time I do this, I get bashed. Guess that's part of my life I'll never get away from.

But yes, I've decided to not post for a good while, maybe forever, who knows... but let this be a lesson to all of you: verbal abuse is one of some things that can even lead to death... you heard of stories of young men and women like me who get verbally abused like this (and it's mostly daily like me) to the point where they commit suicide. Now I never thought of suicide... but this is just one of those things that remind me why I should be more of a reserved person... and maybe it's best for me if I become one again. Be careful of what you say, even if it is your opinion or your heart-felt words... they can lead to emotional pain that might never go away. Thank you, and God Bless.