My name is Bevan, I have been a Christian for 20 years or so I thought. When I came to Christ I was engaged, she soon fell away so I ended the relationship. This hit hard, then my best friend told me he had slept with her not to long after we split up. I have had many trials since then including a failed marrage and been wrongfully accussed. 5 years ago I met Tanya who ticked all the boxes of my prayer list. I've seen God do many things for me, however something inside of me ran away. I never made a decision to run. When I say run I mean that I have retreated within myself. I married Tanya but shortly after I was diognosed with anxiety depression. I can see that I had tell tail signs but never knew what it was. I'am on anti-depressants. God showed me that I'am agree with Him I speak out forgiveness to many people who have hurt me, which includes myself. I ask God to deal with it but nothing happens. I can see that I can not cry heart clensing crys and for many years I could not cry I just kept the pain in. I know that God can reach me I pray, attend church and read my Bible. No one seams to have any answers for me. At present I am at a loss and I feel that I have no hope. God has confermed that Tanya is the one for me, however I do everything with no heart, I'am 46 and Tanya is 45 neather have had kids and time is sliping away. All I want is to Love God and Tanya from the heart with no drugs to keep me saine. Please pray for me and Tanya, please don't give up on us as many have.