My boyfriend of two years , and best friend of 4 years committed suicide this year . May 21st at only 20 years old . 16 days after my 17th birthday . I want to believe that it wasn't because of me but deep down in my heart I know that I was the reason for some of his pain . I was the "icing on the cake" . He had just got in trouble with the law for the first time and felt like his life was over since he could no longer get in the military . He told me he felt like he was a failure since he couldn't provide for me . And on top of that him and I had been arguing a lot because I felt like he had changed how he felt towards me , but I guess that was just his depression . I should have been there for him . I just need strength lord . I shouldve been a better girlfriend . All I can do now is sit back and cry and regret how I treated him . I need you lord because without him I am lost . I miss my best friend . :((( we never went more than an hour without speaking to eachother and now I can't speak to him or be in his presence and it's just too much for me . He was there for me when I was at my lowest point ad I wasn't there for him . And I just want him to know that I am so sorry . Lord please heal my pain .