i know sort of what u r going thru. im saved and had been so for just over a year, now that im on his side things has gotten hard at times too hard to breathe. so i know how it is to watch everything fall apart. it seems like everything i touch seems to die right in front of my face. it makes hope seems hard but the spirit of god gives u unasked for unbelievable strength. its like u get stronger so that u can suffer more i dnt no everything, but god has some sort of plan. now is the test of ur faith. just keep the faith. yea u walk thru the valley of the shadow of death u shall fear n evil so hes there with u if u hold on and not turn bak. i thought of turning bak cause i remembered being happier when i was bak in the world but the spirit of god came bak and when i just thought about he came quickly and threatened me. he threatened me with hell fire torment, so i put that thought out of my mind cause its not an option but eventhough its hard u must go through it.