Hello, friend. I encourage you to seek counseling. They'd be in a better position to help you address these issues. Your situation may seem hopeless, but it's not. There is a way out. There is hope. I’m praying for you, that God may protect you and work powerfully in your life to accomplish His good purposes. You might also want to check out the book, Walking on Water When You Feel Like You're Drowning, by Tommy Nelson. Remember that even when we feel truly hopeless, God offers comfort and purpose. May you sense His presence in your life in the days to come.