husband didnt pay gas bill, gas cut off about 2/3 weeks ago I think, it was cold week gas shut off end of April and past 2 or 3 days it's been in the 40's, April/May temps are unpredictable. I would normally not mind it get cooler since I'm not crazy about real hot or humid weather but the house is cold, probably colder than outside and I dont mean to be a baby but me, my mom and kids are cold, not freezing but cold. I want to cry, I want to turn the furnace back on and turn the temp up but I cant do that but I'm sure my husband next door has his heat on for himself and his girlfriend and her adult kids. I dont know what the bill is or how much since it's been paperless for years and I dont have the money to turn it on now anyway, I also have to worry about the water bill which came in and since I sent money last month to keep that on, I dont think my husband will pay that anymore plus my son and daughte are having a baby shower next month his wife planned but they are short on cash and have no money for food or cake for their guest so I told them I would help and i get paid on Thursday, party is next saturday and I dont make much at retail job part time so money is tight . I have a headache from the cold and stress. My house is in foreclosure and my husband who lives next door doenst tell me anything that is going on, I dont go next door, I dont like going there but I text him and I sent him a few texts today but no response. I know he doenst care what happens to me but he should worry about his kids. I dont want to move, this neighborhood is bad and most places are dumps and I'm not a snob. We live in an middle class, low income and poor area not upper middle class and my house is run down and small but apartments are worse around here and I really like having a washer and dryer to do laundry at home on my day off, it makes things easier and I can do other things while clothes in washer downstairs . I'm too old for this. I'm the only one in this house that genuinely has no where to go if we get kicked out. I'm trying not to fall apart or get angry at my husband or get angry at God for letting this happen but it's getting hard and I'm scared. I'm poor so I cant afford to pay rent and utilities and food plus etc on what I make that's for sure.

Prayers it warms up and I get my laundry all done tomorrow early and dont stay up late because I need sleep, I have a phone appeal thursday with judge for welfare dept regarding medical coverage and food stamps since my husband would provide proof he doesnt live here or write a note: prayers that goes well I hate welfare but my kids and I need help. Prayers my house doesnt get taken, we can stay here at least till my youngest graduates high school and hopefully maybe I will have more money and somehow have better credit and find a decent place to move. I was hoping that maybe I could somehow fix this place up and save money to get some new furniture, out couch has holes in it etc. I'm so tired of eveything falling apart and living a crazy life, I dont want to be evil or worldly but would like to have a normal settled life. I need help from others or welfare to make it with the basics nothing extravagant but cant on my income so praying things get better money wise because I really dont think I can go back to school, I cant stop working and my car may not have much longer to run and I usually work nights but sometimes mornings or sometimes I start at 12 and end at 9 pm so it would be hard to go to school and if car dies almost or maybe impossible to go to school without a car. I messed that career up when I was young worrying about having a boyfriend and falling in love and not worrying about getting a career and then I got pregnant and stopped taking classes at all so I never got a career, and no degree or trade school equals unskilled labor type of job you cant live on unless you have some special skill or talent or are very strong to do construction etc which is not me. I dont know why God is allowing all this stuff I have no control over and dont know what to do, no money, no lawyer, no place to go. My life seems to be going in circles. People told me after being home for years that once I got a job things would start working out but things dont seem to be and I cant live on what I make, I have gotten two or two and half pays and paid water bill but still need to pay bills which I havent and used money to buy some needed clothes for me and shorts for kids and mom and holiday stuff and storage stuff for house not knowing about foreclosure and trying to buy some things for about a month or two before getting all bills or try to get utilities in my name but I cant get bills in my name before balances in my husband's name are paid off because we have a house ironic as that is. If I found a place by some miracle I would need to pass credit check and need money to get in and then have to sue my husband for child support to use that to pay the rent. I asked my husband if he knows anyone with a rental, he has tons of friends but I get no response and unless foreclosure is called off the clock is literally ticking to move out or be kicked out. No one seems to care. I never see my kids with my job and my 13 yr old son is so rude and hard to live with, my daughter goes out since she's 18 and I hope she will pass this year and pass next year and graduate high school and I am praying that both kids get saved and get some kind of decent careet training they can live on and be financially independent unlike me. I worry about them. My mom is 75 and her mom lived to be in 90's and her sister is 85 but there is no guarantee she will live that long and she is the only one I really have that care and help which is sad but true. I wish I could get divorced after five years of husband filing and I could not be in some limbo state and maybe the Lord would send me a nice Godly Christian man to help me and be a blessing in my life and maybe I could be a help mate to him and a companion in this world. Prayers that someday I could have more of a 9 to 5 job instead of working all these nights and weekends and staying up later. I could have a more normal schedule to see my family more, go to church again and have a Christian husband someday that I could be home for but maybe that is too out of place or traditional today in this world? Prayers for better health too, I lost about 10 pounds or 15 but that isnt much weight since end of March, prayers I can continue to lose weight to move forward and be encouraged and not discouraged in this area of my life, I really need to lose weight and get healthier and feel and look better and have an easier and cheap time buying clothes. Prayers for some conviction from my husband.