One thing that's very helpful is to remember that it's not your husband saying the hurtful things. He's under the influence of the evil one and God is allowing it to happen so that He can do a work in your life. Trust me - I know from experience just how painful the words that your husband is saying are to you. I don't think that anyone who hasn't gone through the same experience really understands just how painful it is to hear your "one flesh" say those things to you. Even though I've known for years that it wasn't really her saying those things, that knowledge has taken years to get from my head to my heart (so to speak). It's only been recently that I've really taken hold of that truth and the words have lost a lot of their sting. If you can grasp that truth faster than I did, you will be at a much better (and less hurtful) place.