Often i think the same, and have wronged my kids for that. Please, if you have previously heard or read the word of God, go back to it in faith. With all your heart, strive for peace with God. If you havent, then start knowing about the wonderful God. i envy people i know who have a living relationship with Him, and want to go back to Him if He would let me. Daily, i bear the burden of sin and the consequences. May you find the joy in knowing our Maker and later encourage others as you grow in faith. Plant and let the Lord make things grow in you and others. Hear us, Lord Jesus.