I am not Happy

I know happiness is in the mind but it is hard to control the mind.

I do not wish to live like the way I currently do because I did not get the things I desired in life at the current age and comparison with others who have such things is killing me.

I beg of you all to help me understand my life better.

My only wish is not to live further and I had belief in Lord and Teacher once upon a time but no more, I have no other option than believe the Lord but I wish to die because I cannot see with my practical eyes what I have sinned and why should I suffer and wait for simple happiness.

Thanks
Student