things arent good tonight, at least not for me... dan is ok..sorta well his infection is stable ...not gone but not going to kill him today....its his blood.. he is at a 5 needs to be at least a 7 so he can have the trach surgery.. has needed 14 units of blood last 2? weeks..... they cant find the problem that is causing this... and they have to.

that is the "short term" problem. pray they can fix this

long term... they dont really think he can get off the vent... if that is true... and I pray its not.... he wont be able to come home-ever. he will end up in some nursing home.... and in this State it will probably be a dump. He and I knew this was a possiblitity ...we considered it the fate worse than death...

he doesnt know this..as far as I know...I didnt know this til tonight... i dont think im sleeping tonight - I soooo upset. I want my man home!!!!!

I know he isnt very physically strong now...he has been through alot... but I know him, I want to believe in him...that he can do it all...with God.

pray for strength for him....(and me)... that he can do the impossible and get off that vent. than pray ultimatly he can get strong enough he can come home and then get in his chair and commint to me!

I think that is 4 requests..please God, I need dan home and want him healthy ..he had/has so many dreams... let us / him get there.

I love him always, will be with him always ...I promised and dont want to be anywhere else...but I want it all for us both too.
I am so scared.